So promise me only one thing, would you? Just don't ever make me promises

I did it. I took the leap and asked Ray out.

In my initial e-mail I was very cordial: I asked him how his birthday went (he just turned 27) and told him he was one of the few fascinating guys in my senior class. Then I invited him to come see some bands perform at a cafe in Pasadena. I figured it's a nice public space and there's room to get drinks, eat food, wander around. Here was his answer:

Hi [...],
my birthday was cool, thanks.

RE: fascinating... Really? Thanks! You were top 5 smartest students of our class, that's for sure.

RE: Friday, i'll try to make it. Never heard of the place, but catching up would be cool.

Talk to you soon.
-Ray

I was delighted! I replied that evening with one of my favorite memories of him from high school: showing up to 9th grade English with a bloody eye because an errant baseball hit him in the face. Most teenagers would've stayed home in the name of vanity, but not Ray. I also lamented the fact that I didn't apply myself harder to become valedictorian of our class, thus proving to myself that I was a "smart" student. God, I hope that doesn't sound screwed up or conceited...

He wrote back:

Hahaha... Of course I remember [about the baseball incident], don't remind me. That kind of sucked. Being valedictorian is overrated, so don't worry about it. I'll try to make it [on Friday], sounds cool, even if I'm a little late. I hope they have some good green tea, or some earl gray. Or I can be Mexican about the whole thing and ask for 7 Azahares.

I've already got a back up plan. If he cancels on me or stands me up, I'm going to enjoy the music then wander over to my best friend Lauren's house and cry.

Wish me luck. All I want is a connection. I'm not asking for the entire world....just a spark. Just a chance to take something to the next level.

If this is right, I'd rather be wrong...if this is sight, I'd rather be blind

Shocking news, ripped from the Facebook headlines.

Edgar is moving to Placentia, in Orange County about 26 miles away from where I live. The news stunned me and I jumped quick on FB chat to dig more details out....I also wasted no time reinstating my intentions:

Me: So are u moving out on your own or is your whole fam moving?
Edgar: No, moving with a bunch of starving law students.
Me: lol lovely
Edgar: haha. there will be Ramen everywhere
Me: and a fine coating of dust/dirt on everything. oh the joys of the bachelor pad
Edgar: hahah somewhat. Law school is the devourer of all social life
Me: haha...well, don't forget. I still owe you a "You Made It Through 1L" blowjob
Edgar: lol
Me: So....find me. I'm always down to get crazy in a new zip code.
Edgar: :):)
Me: Enjoy your new independence. congrats.
Edgar: Thank you
Me: No problem. Hope to see u and your dick later. bye
Edgar Cruz is typing...

I didn't even bother to see his reply. I also needed to hurry up and make my exit before I got any more creepy/desperate. I fear it could have gotten more pushy and obscene. I have GOT to learn to play it cool. But it's so easy to just flirt with him, to remind him that I desire him incredibly. The more I pump up his ego, the bigger mine gets....the more bold I feel.

From the outset, it seems Edgar's move to Orange County would prove to be advantageous. It would be easier to hook up at his place as opposed to some darkened street corner in the front seat of his car. More sex, less clandestine blowjobs (I would hope!). But given his reluctance to let me be seen with him in public or (God forbid) in front of his friends, I feel like I won't be allowed to set foot near his swingin' new bachelor pad. Yeah, that's shitty. I know it is. But I've just accepted it as part of the whole "fuck buddy/friend with benefits/no strings attached" deal. You don't weave fairy tales from that kind of selfish arrangement. Oh well. Whatever....I feel like I'll just be paying more gas money to get freaky.

This weekend I'm taking a short roadtrip to San Diego with Dan. We'll be on our way to say goodbye to my bestie Caroline. In happier times, Dan and I would use these trips as a bit of a couples retreat. I didn't think he'd want to go this time since technically we are *no longer* a couple, but he jumped at the chance and has been planning every little detail. Including the, ahem, extracurricular activities:

Me: You're gonna love the shirt I'm wearing on Saturday to Caroline's.
Dan: Awesome. I'm gonna be all over your boobs. I miss them.
Me: Yay!!
Dan: And then that night....man...they're gonna be all red and sore.
Me: Uh oh!!!
Me: Sounds like I'm in trouble.
Dan: You might be rabbit, you might be.
Dan: I do love boobies.

I think he's just more hyper than usual as we've been engaging each other in some random hook ups and light sexting. I feel he's all wound up and ready to go!

Perhaps all this new-found enthusiasm is stemming from some sort of restless feeling in Dan's soul. A few days ago, he hatched yet another "brilliant" scheme to change his life. He pretty much gave up on the conversion to Mormonism and is now focusing on doing work abroad in Australia. He's dead set on gathering $200 to begin his visa paperwork and move out of the country. I told him to be extra careful. He seems more serious about doing this. I really want to take him seriously but he doesn't have the best track record when it comes to life goals. We shall see. In the meantime, I have given him my support and wouldn't mind visiting him Down Under. I'd love to see my Aussie friends again.

**In Other News**

I'm working up the nerve to ask out my newly-single friend Ray. He's a very nice guy, uses perfect grammar and has a very quirky sense of humor. I'm going to have to map this out carefully to minimize how awkward I might sound or how crushed my self-esteem will be if he shoots me down.



Why is it that nowadays it feels like us girls are having to do all the "asking out" while guys sit at home on their XBoxes, looking pretty and oblivious? Ughhh. So much for letting guys be the aggressors. I just don't have that kind of time to waste.

You open doors & close them quicker than the hands of most..

Seven years later, I would end up fucking this guy--

"Teen wastes no time in helping his community"
http://www.yumasun.com/articles/baas-5375-school-interact.html

Makes me feel a little proud inside that 90% of the guys I have fucked end up leading nice, normal, enriching lives. Dare I say, my vagina is better than a good luck charm...it's a cornerstone of success!

There is freedom within, there is freedom without....

I just noticed I posted absolutely nothing in the month of June, and for good reason:

Tons of things on my social calendar including concerts and a much needed week long trip to Puerto Rico with my bestie Caroline.

In the back of my mind, as I sipped tropical drinks and splashed around on gorgeous beaches in the hot, humid Puerto Rican sun, I thought to myself: well, we might just get some fodder yet for my single-gal blog.

Alas, there was no formal action. I did have a boy from San Francisco stare at me in line to catch a ferry from one island to another. It was so silly, almost like in the movies. He'd look at me, so then I'd look at over at him...pause...smile...he'd smile then look away...this game went on for a few minutes until we boarded the boat.

His friends did eventually approach us and we chatted for a bit. I never found out cute boy's name and his entire gang was too chicken shit to ask us out. Well, wherever SF Cute Boy is, I hope he realizes that he missed out. I would've fucked him back into the Stone Age.

It's quiet: Dan and I went out yesterday but nothing happened. His parents cut his plans short (as usual) and he didn't get that blow job I had promised, though he did try.

Actually, the quiet is deafening: I noticed Edgar had just returned from his vacation in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico and we both posted pictures of our respective trips at the same time...I decided to roll the dice and see if I could garner any summertime action...

me: We should compare notes soon and see who had a better trip: me in Puerto Rico or you in Mexico.

My text has still gone unanswered.

The quiet hurts: Mike is gone this week. He's (coincidentally) vacationing in San Francisco. We're supposed to hang out next week when he gets back and trade stories. I told my friend Sandy that I actually miss the guy. Hmmm....weird.

Summer is supposed to be a season full of love, lust and sweaty make out sessions. We still have many more weeks to go. I've still got time to turns things around.

So on this 4th of July, my first one in a long time as a single lady: I'll enjoy my independence. I'll enjoy the quiet and not be threatened by it.