Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness
I just wanted you to know
That, baby, you're the best....
Jose's mom Connie has been arrested. It all looks and sounds unreal. I've had hours to think about this and it still feels like a bad nightmare. The more I try to comprehend it, the more it makes no sense. How is it even possible? She's had zero criminal history. The woman's never even had a traffic ticket. I don't understand. I just keep going in circles inside my own head.
This past weekend was supposed to be wonderful and it really was. Jose and I drove out of the city and visited my friend in San Diego. We got a lovely room overlooking a golf course and it was nice to just hang out with my old college friends again. We had some beers and caught up. It wasn't until Sunday morning that it all went to shit. Jose got a text message and had to make a phone call during brunch. I thought it was just family stuff as he has 5 siblings and there's always some issue. When Jose returned to the table, he looked crestfallen. I could tell something was up. He was even more quiet than usual. I asked if everything was okay and he shook his head. He said he'd tell me later. For the rest of brunch, I had knots in my stomach. When we walked back to my car, he spilled.
His mom had driven up in a rented car to see her boyfriend Matthew who is currently incarcerated at a prison 5 hours north of LA. This has been her routine for a long time. Well, this time something went terribly wrong. She's been accused of trying to sneak in marijuana or some other sort of controlled substance into the prison. The devil is in the details, I'm sure but we found her booking photo online and saw the 4 or 5 charges she's been jailed for. I can't even fucking believe this. It all sounded made up.
Jose, as you can imagine, is taking it very hard. He's trying to figure out how to make bail for his mom and hopefully bring her home. Connie is supposed to be in court today and a judge will set bail I guess? I have no idea. I don't have a frame of mind for this kind of event and don't even understand the process. As Jose did his best not to fall into a spiral of shame, anger, blame and sadness he had one more confession. He needed to be clear with me why this was making him panic for the future.
I'll be honest, and this is why I know I really love him unconditionally, I didn't even flinch. I just accepted it. It's a part of who he was and I guess still is. He told me he continues to take medication for it but now it's just 1 pill before bed. And now I know why he only works part time and still makes good money. He receives social security disability checks from the state, which he gives all to his mom for the rent. He told me that it's embarrassing for him knowing he can't work full time. He assured me he's not scared of working and that's why he has considered getting a second job at a mechanic's shop so he can start a career with cars and not be at a stand still. It will take some planning but he's doing his best to figure it out.
Now I feel even worse for him. I'm worried that this new problem will make him relapse. I'm scared of what I don't know. I'm scared of uncertainty. I'm angry that his family just can't seem to catch a break. First the Stephanie pregnancy thing and now this. All I can do is tell him he has all my support, which he appreciates. Our bond is strong. We love each other. We are in this together. This is my family, too. We will get through this.
