Boy, was she right? It sucks hearing your parent tell you "I told you so!"...but sometimes you need to hear it.
I am almost certain that my mom knows my relationship with Jose is VASTLY different than the one I had with Dan. I can tell by the way she acts towards Jose. Whereas before, she was very distant and critical of my boyfriends, with Jose it's a huge love fest. She likes having him around, she sees he's a positive influence and she appreciates how nice and helpful he is. He speaks to her in Spanish, he has good manners and he's a total gentleman. The kid is the total package. He's been "mom approved" for quite some time. I am glad we have her blessing.
Now if only a spot would open up at Jose's sister's building in Eagle Rock (uh hello: $725 for a gorgeous studio in a fab neighborhood!), we would be all set....I hope and pray that we know something by August or September. Jose has started checking listings on Craig's List but nothing has really caught our eyes. Oh well. The search continues.
We had a bit of a slip up a few weeks ago. After my grandmother's huge 99th birthday party, Jose and I decided to go off and have our own after-party at Jonny's house. We drank a lot. Jose must have had like 8 or 9 beers and I took three shots of Black Label whiskey in a row. I wasn't drunk but caught a nice buzz. Jose was drunk as shit and when bed time came, well.....we didn't exactly sleep. We decided to have sex and our brains might have been a little foggy. Needless to say, the condom slipped off. Completely. INSIDE OF ME. And there we were fumbling in the dark, half drunk and half asleep...and all I could slur was, "It's okay, it's okay, it's okay...don't worry." Well, we forgot about it for like half a day and then sheer panic set in. How much do you think made its way inside of me? What if Jose has super good swimmers? I mean, he's Mexican for God sake!! OH MY GOD. Monday morning, I'm worrying myself over and over. I google the nearest pharmacy that will sell me the Plan B pill. I wind up a few blocks from my house, shelling out $50 to an Indian couple from a pretty ghetto East LA clinic so I can take the "morning after" pill. I tell Jose of my plan and he's all for it "Better to pay 50 bucks now cuz kids are really expensive, ya know?" he says over text. Oh yeah. I know. I know. I know.
Then comes the waiting game. My period was 5 days late, thank you very much. SHIT!!!!!!! That was 5 full days of grieving my easy-breezy-casual life of movies and dinner dates with Jose. I thought for sure, "IT'S OVER. DONE. I'M FUCKING PREGNANT. THE PILL DID NOTHING." There went the plan to find the perfect apartment. Of being engaged at our own pace. Of being married. Of being happy newlyweds without the stress of children and moving too fast. That's it, I thought, it's ruined. I'm knocked up and all my plans have gone to hell.. Mental torture. 5 days full of it. And then my period finally decides to show. And I fist pumped on the toilet.
And that's how I know, I am NOT ready to be a parent because the idea of having a baby induced nothing but worry and disappointment. It's not part of my plan right now. I got a bunch of other stuff I feel I need to do first with Jose. My life plan is very important to me and now that I have my dream guy, I want the rest of my dream to come true just the way I want it. I would not want my future children to be accidents or the consequence of my stupidity. We still got a ways to go.
