After a very long and thoughtful discussion, Jose and I have loosely planned out the next few years in our relationship...
We agreed that we want to buy a house first before we get married and we will be putting away about $400 a month for at least a year, on top of the money Jose has already saved. We want to stay in the city, so obviously our future home will be small and not cheap, but it will be ours...and we get to stay in our beloved Los Angeles. It's important we live close to our respective families and our jobs. We are okay not having grass or a front lawn, given that California is in a terrible drought and it's a lot easier to maintain a rock garden than a giant grass patch. We've driven around Highland Park and glanced at a few houses for sale, but the real hunt will start next summer once we finish our lease on our current place.
Jose wants to finish his AA and find a better paying job before getting married. It might be a couple more years before we get hitched. We both agreed we don't want a big wedding and I also don't want an expensive ring. Jose told me he'd rather get me a house than a ring :) If getting married in 2+ years means a city hall ceremony and dinner at a nice restaurant with friends & family, then so be it. I'm not interested in a lavish wedding with $20 a plate dinner for each guest. I also don't want to hassle my friends with renting tuxes or buying dresses. I think eloping would be perfect but we'd never heard the end of it from our families...
Definitely no babies before the wedding ring, the better job or the new house. The clock continues to tick and if at 35 the conditions to become parents doesn't look favorable, we might want to reevaluate our plan. Adoption isn't out of the question or just being pet parents, but I do want at least one little Saucedo. We agreed no more than 2. The way things are looking, it'll be a struggle just to get to the one. Parenthood isn't one of those kind of things you can put on the back burner forever....I sincerely hope I don't miss my window...only time will tell.
We've felt a lot more at ease now that we had this big talk. It really has shed some light on where we both things were going. It feels great to hear Jose tell me he wants his life to be with me. I couldn't stop smiling. I told him I feel the same way and I'm ready to go on this ride with him.
On a related note: Jose got interviewed by a psychologist who I believe is doing a bit of research. She wanted to discuss Jose's illness and how he's handling his life. She had spoken to him years ago when his diagnosis was more recent and he was still coping with all that was going on. The interview happened in our kitchen and our house is so tiny, I could hear their conversation through the wall in our bedroom. I tried to not eavesdrop, but curiosity got the best of me. I caught a few words here and there but was happy to hear that Jose is continually working on his mental illness, has found a great balance with his medication and is appreciative of his support system. More than once he mentioned me and how he values our relationship. He talked about our future plans and how he wants to keep doing well. I felt happy and proud of him. When I had last evaluated myself in regards to his illness, I felt weird in a negative way. Now hearing him say that I was one of the most positive relationships in his life, I was encouraged to continue all the good progress we had made. You don't know how much you mean to someone until you hear them say it someone else.
I never doubted us for a second but it's good to know we're on our way....
