Weird blurbs...
Posted a new profile picture of my self on Facebook. Jay showed up on my radar and messaged me the following one-liner: "Omg ur so fucking hot."
No idea how to respond, I just said thanks. I had only casually begun contacting him again out of genuine worry since he lives in New York and had just been in a minor earthquake on top of sitting in the path of an approaching hurricane. It turns out he was fine on both accounts. I haven't spoken to him since.
It is also worth mentioning that Rob, my one-time rock guitar paramour, felt the need to "like" this photo, too. That's like the third of fourth time he's "liked" an attractive picture of myself. By all accounts, he's still in a relationship with that icky Sunny girl.
Edgar recently turned 27 last week. I posted a very nice message....no reply to me personally, just a hokey blanket statement of thanks to everyone who had reached out to him. Whatever....
Ray came back from his summer vacation cruise. The aforementioned hurricane prevented him from visiting the Bahamas, so he just took a lot of fun pictures in and around New Orleans. Then, out of the blue, I get this text message from him a few days after he hit dry land:
Ray: Guess who is back...
Me: Welcome back!! Your first batch of pics looked great. Looking forward to seeing the rest.
Ray: LOL, yeah, I took those with my phone, the rest I took with my camera, so you'll have to be patient, LOL...
I thought that was a little strange....at first, I assumed I was part of some mass text to let everyone know he was back in town....which again is weird, because I don't think we're close enough friends to warrant a heads-up. Hmmm...maybe it was his way of reconnecting after our marginally disastrous date? I don't know. Maybe I'm just reading too much into this.
In other news: I'm on my period. I just want to lay down in a dark room and not think for a few hours.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
I want your love and I want your revenge....
Uhm, pretty awkward moment on Saturday.
After a marathon afternoon with Dan that included baking a batch of pot-cookies, building an Ikea nightstand, repairing a fan to combat the summer heat, scarfing down 7-11 junk food and rushing to his guitar lesson, we managed to squeeze in some early-evening sexing there at the end. Lovely.
But that's not the awkward part.
It all started as we hastily made our way to the Irvine Meadows to see Sublime and 311 perform. As I desperately scanned the parking lot for an open spot, I hear my friend Sandy chirp from the backseat, "There's Jeff....and Shawn!" Ah yes, our one time lethargic Lotharios. What is this, the millionth time we run into them? I guess it's inevitable when we all like the same bands. Ughhh....all I had time to do was honk my horn and wave at Shawn. Dan sheepishly waved at him, too. I was never more happy to cram that pot cookie down my throat. Marijuana, take me away!
We practically ran to our seats as we heard Sublime start up their set. That's when we ran into Jeff and said hello. It was a matter of seconds before we caught up to Shawn who was holding hands with some fat girl. I made sure to hold hands with Dan, too and signify that I had also "moved" on. Wait....what was I moving on from? Shawn taking me out on ONE measly date, making out with me sporadically and never calling? We all hugged hello, shook hands but Shawn's girl was rude and ran off before introductions could be made. He took off behind her as she angrily gestured for him to "Hurry up." Humph. Bitch.
Whatever. By the time 311 hit the stage, I was in la-la-land and promptly forgot the awkwardness that had took place.
Is that the kind of girl Shawn likes? Rude, bossy, demanding, overweight, dressing up way too much for a concert?
I think I might have dodged a bullet there. He seems just a little too spineless for my taste. I like my men strong but sweet. If I had to pick anyone to be my part-time/pretend boyfriend, I'm glad Dan's always around.
After a marathon afternoon with Dan that included baking a batch of pot-cookies, building an Ikea nightstand, repairing a fan to combat the summer heat, scarfing down 7-11 junk food and rushing to his guitar lesson, we managed to squeeze in some early-evening sexing there at the end. Lovely.
But that's not the awkward part.
It all started as we hastily made our way to the Irvine Meadows to see Sublime and 311 perform. As I desperately scanned the parking lot for an open spot, I hear my friend Sandy chirp from the backseat, "There's Jeff....and Shawn!" Ah yes, our one time lethargic Lotharios. What is this, the millionth time we run into them? I guess it's inevitable when we all like the same bands. Ughhh....all I had time to do was honk my horn and wave at Shawn. Dan sheepishly waved at him, too. I was never more happy to cram that pot cookie down my throat. Marijuana, take me away!
We practically ran to our seats as we heard Sublime start up their set. That's when we ran into Jeff and said hello. It was a matter of seconds before we caught up to Shawn who was holding hands with some fat girl. I made sure to hold hands with Dan, too and signify that I had also "moved" on. Wait....what was I moving on from? Shawn taking me out on ONE measly date, making out with me sporadically and never calling? We all hugged hello, shook hands but Shawn's girl was rude and ran off before introductions could be made. He took off behind her as she angrily gestured for him to "Hurry up." Humph. Bitch.
Whatever. By the time 311 hit the stage, I was in la-la-land and promptly forgot the awkwardness that had took place.
Is that the kind of girl Shawn likes? Rude, bossy, demanding, overweight, dressing up way too much for a concert?
I think I might have dodged a bullet there. He seems just a little too spineless for my taste. I like my men strong but sweet. If I had to pick anyone to be my part-time/pretend boyfriend, I'm glad Dan's always around.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
It's not just my pride..it's just 'til these tears have dried
My coffee date with Ray went...well...I guess.
No, no...no it did not.
I wouldn't say it was a complete crash and burn...but it did feel very strange and awkward.
So it's a beautiful, sunny Saturday afternoon and I arrive at the Starbucks with a cute outfit and a bright smile on my face. Ray is already at the coffee shop and he's lounging on one of the chairs in the outside patio area, armed with a notebook and a water bottle. We exchange hellos and he gives me a big hug: wow, he's now several inches taller than I last saw him. He's also wearing a short-sleeve black polo shirt that does a fine job of showing off his muscular arms. I instantly feel overweight and gross. We chat briefly and then grab drinks inside. He has an iced coffee and I grab a lemonade iced tea. He goes to pay for me, but I intercept with my 20 dollar bill. I tell him he can grab the next one, implying there will be a second one of these "dates" as he sheepishly accepts...his manhood probably now in peril.
Back outside on the sun-drenched patio we make more awkward small talk. He tells me about his work (he's a credit officer at a Wells Fargo bank in Diamond Bar) and how he likes to travel. I quickly start to notice that when I'm talking, he eyes me nervously and fidgets in his chair. He looks profoundly anxious, like he's not at all comfortable in the situation I've put him into. Or maybe it's because as I'm talking to him, I'm still wearing my over-sized aviator sunglasses? It must be hard for him to make eye contact with me. Yet, because I know I'll be squinting like a dumb-ass for the rest of the conversation, I decide to keep them on. Ughhh...
There's never a point in the conversation where I feel he digs me; there's absolutely no click. And though we didn't hit any awkward pauses, I really feel like he's itching to get out of my sight. We've only been at the Starbucks for about an hour and a half before I rescind my control over him and he tells me thank you for the coffee. I walk him to his car and we make a half-hearted plan to get together next time closer to his home in Hacienda Heights. We embrace and that's it.
I haven't heard from him since. No texts, no calls, nada.
(siiiigh)....I don't want to blame myself for this whole fiasco...but I shouldn't have asked out a guy who just got out of a relationship. He did confirm he was single, but made no mention that he was ready to "give it another shot." But then again, who would say that? Probably someone like me.
Ray is a nice fellow: he's calm, extremely soft-spoken and very well-mannered. He appears to have a good head on his shoulders and loves his family a lot. He seems like an ideal match for me....but I just don't think he's that into me. We only share a few like interests and ideals...but not enough to warrant a second date. It's true we only talked for a little bit but I just did not feel a spark. How sad.
I won't chalk this up to rejection...at least I tried. Ughhh...when does it get better? When can I get a happy ending?
***
Meanwhile, I am not helping the cause by palling around with Dan. We're supposed to spend all day together at the Vans Warped Tour tomorrow. He asked if I wanted to get high with him before we went....but I declined.
I doubt Dan's going to make his Australian dreams come true. He got into a big argument over it with his parents and has not filed for a work visa. His adventures into Mormonism also don't seem to be coming to fruition as he just informed me he's looking into new and exciting pot brownie recipes for the Sublime concert next week.
He and I spent all that time last year being so spiteful to each other before the break up....is that all we needed to be harmonious? To just stop living together and be apart? Why do we stay attached at the hip? Why can't we just stop fooling ourselves and be a couple? I feel like all these personal interests we have, these goals we try to keep are acting as roadblocks. How can we be together like this....but then not?
Are we ever going to get over each other????
No, no...no it did not.
I wouldn't say it was a complete crash and burn...but it did feel very strange and awkward.
So it's a beautiful, sunny Saturday afternoon and I arrive at the Starbucks with a cute outfit and a bright smile on my face. Ray is already at the coffee shop and he's lounging on one of the chairs in the outside patio area, armed with a notebook and a water bottle. We exchange hellos and he gives me a big hug: wow, he's now several inches taller than I last saw him. He's also wearing a short-sleeve black polo shirt that does a fine job of showing off his muscular arms. I instantly feel overweight and gross. We chat briefly and then grab drinks inside. He has an iced coffee and I grab a lemonade iced tea. He goes to pay for me, but I intercept with my 20 dollar bill. I tell him he can grab the next one, implying there will be a second one of these "dates" as he sheepishly accepts...his manhood probably now in peril.
Back outside on the sun-drenched patio we make more awkward small talk. He tells me about his work (he's a credit officer at a Wells Fargo bank in Diamond Bar) and how he likes to travel. I quickly start to notice that when I'm talking, he eyes me nervously and fidgets in his chair. He looks profoundly anxious, like he's not at all comfortable in the situation I've put him into. Or maybe it's because as I'm talking to him, I'm still wearing my over-sized aviator sunglasses? It must be hard for him to make eye contact with me. Yet, because I know I'll be squinting like a dumb-ass for the rest of the conversation, I decide to keep them on. Ughhh...
There's never a point in the conversation where I feel he digs me; there's absolutely no click. And though we didn't hit any awkward pauses, I really feel like he's itching to get out of my sight. We've only been at the Starbucks for about an hour and a half before I rescind my control over him and he tells me thank you for the coffee. I walk him to his car and we make a half-hearted plan to get together next time closer to his home in Hacienda Heights. We embrace and that's it.
I haven't heard from him since. No texts, no calls, nada.
(siiiigh)....I don't want to blame myself for this whole fiasco...but I shouldn't have asked out a guy who just got out of a relationship. He did confirm he was single, but made no mention that he was ready to "give it another shot." But then again, who would say that? Probably someone like me.
Ray is a nice fellow: he's calm, extremely soft-spoken and very well-mannered. He appears to have a good head on his shoulders and loves his family a lot. He seems like an ideal match for me....but I just don't think he's that into me. We only share a few like interests and ideals...but not enough to warrant a second date. It's true we only talked for a little bit but I just did not feel a spark. How sad.
I won't chalk this up to rejection...at least I tried. Ughhh...when does it get better? When can I get a happy ending?
***
Meanwhile, I am not helping the cause by palling around with Dan. We're supposed to spend all day together at the Vans Warped Tour tomorrow. He asked if I wanted to get high with him before we went....but I declined.
I doubt Dan's going to make his Australian dreams come true. He got into a big argument over it with his parents and has not filed for a work visa. His adventures into Mormonism also don't seem to be coming to fruition as he just informed me he's looking into new and exciting pot brownie recipes for the Sublime concert next week.
He and I spent all that time last year being so spiteful to each other before the break up....is that all we needed to be harmonious? To just stop living together and be apart? Why do we stay attached at the hip? Why can't we just stop fooling ourselves and be a couple? I feel like all these personal interests we have, these goals we try to keep are acting as roadblocks. How can we be together like this....but then not?
Are we ever going to get over each other????
Friday, August 5, 2011
After a hurricane comes a rainbow...
In between dates and waiting around for the perfect guy to show up, I continue to have these little vignettes with Dan.
We did end up going away for the weekend together in San Diego. Unfortunately we couldn't get a room at the little country club we always stay at, but we did get to spend the night together at my friend's house. That weekend ended up being a marathon of fucking and drinking. It was all very exhilarating.
The next weekend we spent all day together at the Orange County Fair. I just don't understand why he likes to do all these "boyfriend" things with me....I'd like to think it isn't all just strictly sex for him (like it is with Edgar) but what else is there?
I still think we look great together:
We did end up going away for the weekend together in San Diego. Unfortunately we couldn't get a room at the little country club we always stay at, but we did get to spend the night together at my friend's house. That weekend ended up being a marathon of fucking and drinking. It was all very exhilarating.
The next weekend we spent all day together at the Orange County Fair. I just don't understand why he likes to do all these "boyfriend" things with me....I'd like to think it isn't all just strictly sex for him (like it is with Edgar) but what else is there?
I still think we look great together:
Monday, August 1, 2011
No place for beginners or sensitive hearts....
It's Friday night of last week and I got all dressed up for my big date. My pre-date ritual is all planned out: I printed out the directions to the venue, drove with white knuckles on my steering wheel through the confusing streets of Pasadena, arrived early and sat in my car to ward off any jitters.
I texted on my phone to pass the time, listening to the radio as I saw more and more teenagers and young adults file past me into the No Future Café. The pit of my stomach churned. I totally didn't look like anyone there and worse yet, everyone seemed to know each other. I felt even more alone and nervous as I sat in my car, perfectly still, like some weird statue. I texted Ray to see where he was at. To my dismay I read the following:
Ray: I had sent you a message via FB that I wasn't going to be able to make it. I had suggested we meet up for coffee or something tomorrow, if time permits???
Now I don't want to call the kid a liar, but I checked my FB moments before I left the house and there was no such "message." Whatever. I was too fucking heartbroken to reply. I immediately backed out of my parking spot, narrowly squeezing past some annoyed Latino hipsters who were loitering behind my car. I took off into yet another perfect L.A. summer night, like a wounded bat out of hell. I decided to stop by Tommy's and console myself with a chili burger and fries but I turned on the wrong street and wound up on my route home. FFFFFFFFFUUU...I stopped at Burger King instead, too angry to be on the verge of tears. My mom didn't question why I got back so early....I saved myself some embarrassment there at least.
I immediately fired back a response via text when I was safe and sound in my room.
Me: Yeah, no net on my phone. Must've missed that. Tomorrow is no good. Maybe next weekend? Or between the week? You pick this time.
Imagine my surprise when I actually get some good news:
Ray: Next Saturday, Starbucks in Atlantic Square, 1 pm.
I finish my meal and make an effort to put on a happy face:
Me: You got it. It's going on my planner. See ya then!
I get canceled on pretty often, so we'll see if this even materializes. Ray is going to have to be pretty damn charming for me to forget this aborted coffee date.
I texted on my phone to pass the time, listening to the radio as I saw more and more teenagers and young adults file past me into the No Future Café. The pit of my stomach churned. I totally didn't look like anyone there and worse yet, everyone seemed to know each other. I felt even more alone and nervous as I sat in my car, perfectly still, like some weird statue. I texted Ray to see where he was at. To my dismay I read the following:
Ray: I had sent you a message via FB that I wasn't going to be able to make it. I had suggested we meet up for coffee or something tomorrow, if time permits???
Now I don't want to call the kid a liar, but I checked my FB moments before I left the house and there was no such "message." Whatever. I was too fucking heartbroken to reply. I immediately backed out of my parking spot, narrowly squeezing past some annoyed Latino hipsters who were loitering behind my car. I took off into yet another perfect L.A. summer night, like a wounded bat out of hell. I decided to stop by Tommy's and console myself with a chili burger and fries but I turned on the wrong street and wound up on my route home. FFFFFFFFFUUU...I stopped at Burger King instead, too angry to be on the verge of tears. My mom didn't question why I got back so early....I saved myself some embarrassment there at least.
I immediately fired back a response via text when I was safe and sound in my room.
Me: Yeah, no net on my phone. Must've missed that. Tomorrow is no good. Maybe next weekend? Or between the week? You pick this time.
Imagine my surprise when I actually get some good news:
Ray: Next Saturday, Starbucks in Atlantic Square, 1 pm.
I finish my meal and make an effort to put on a happy face:
Me: You got it. It's going on my planner. See ya then!
I get canceled on pretty often, so we'll see if this even materializes. Ray is going to have to be pretty damn charming for me to forget this aborted coffee date.
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