Here we are in January and I'm brimming with excitement! I'm bursting with happiness and looking forward to what this year with bring! 2015 set the groundwork and 2016 will be the launch pad.
We ended the Christmas season with a few great promises: our weight loss and exercises plans went well, despite all the yummy, fattening holiday food. Jose ended the year 50 lbs. lighter and I lost a total of 20 lbs. Things are looking skinnier in the mirror...
Jose also told me he'd been talking to his dad in Reno about getting a ring and that "a ring is on its way." He kept measuring my finger and asking for which rings fit me the best. I did my best to maintain my composure but truth be told, I was flipping out inside. I was DYING to tell my girlfriends but decided it was better to just wait. Then on New Year's Day, Jose decided he wanted to see his dad in person and that it would be better to get fitted for an engagement ring at his jewelry store in Reno. OH BOY!!!! :) :) :) We slapped a trip together with his siblings (twins) Cas and Diana, booked a hotel, got snow chains for Jose's tires and we're leaving for Reno, Nevada this afternoon. Not only am I stoked to see Jose's dad again, but I get to meet all his cousins I've heard so much about. I'll do my best to keep my cool during the engagement ring fitting.
But with all the awesome, happy news...there are other things that are not maybe as great. Jose had his final exams in mid-December, which was then followed by my birthday and the Christmas holidays. This meant parties, new family and friends to meet, crowds, lines and generally more social events than Jose is used to. He fell in and out of moods during this time when he didn't want to go out or leave the house. He decided to stop taking his medication for a bit. On Christmas Day, he left my cousin's party to get coffee and didn't feel like talking to anyone. I felt a little embarrassed but I knew something had to be up. At the grocery store the next day, his behavior was different and he felt like the man standing behind him was too close. I had never seen Jose this freaked out. It all spiraled from there. After a couple of squabbles and frustrating fights, I discover that not only is Jose dealing with his depression and schizophrenia, he also had been treated for tremors (his head would sometimes shake involuntarily) and social anxiety. I'm slowly learning now about his conditions, so I don't know for sure if they're stand-alone or part of a larger disease. What I do know is I love him very much and I am undeterred. There were some tears and emotional hugs. In the end, we felt good about the future and Jose felt I understood where he was coming from. He made me feel safe, too and told me nothing had changed: he wants to get married and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He went back to taking his meds and we compromised on our weekly grocery trip. Now we get our groceries delivered by Vons each week and it's actually a lot cheaper than driving to Walmart. He said something that resonated strongly: "We don't run." As in, we will not run from our problems, we will not run away from each other when times get tough. We stick together and talk it through, no matter how hard it is. We will go through this life, hand in hand.
I can't wait to hit the road on our trip in a few hours. We're packing light and we're packing warm. Photos of our cool trip coming soon! I hope I finally get to see snow fall from the sky or at least on the ground. Also, I'm looking forward to finally leaving the state with my boy and his siblings. I predict some hot chocolate for me and coffee for Jose, spending time talking and laughing. He is my whole world and when times get rough, I always feel like my love for him goes stronger and takes on a new dimension. I feel myself growing: becoming selfless and more mature. It feels good to know I am also a source of strength and support for him. Each and every day, I think of what we have and I know I'm lucky.
No comments:
Post a Comment