Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you...

It's getting closer!

A couple of nights ago we browsed rings on a jewelry website and narrowed down our choices to two or three rings we both really liked. Jose said he needed two more months to save up and then...well...we shall see! A question will be popped soon...it's looking more and more real each day. AHHHHH!!! I'm so excited but I gotta keep it to myself. I feel like I'm bursting with news!!! I can almost see this engagement on the horizon....

We mailed in our petition to ask our building if we can have an emotional support animal, namely a cute kitten. Fingers crossed we get to finally have our furry little friend. It was a pretty annoying process and we had to get a couple of signatures from Jose's doctors but let's hope we get approved. 

Speaking of doctors, Jose talked to his mental health doctor last month and was prescribed anti-depressants to deal with his social anxiety. Almost instantly I noticed a difference in his day-to-day behavior and he's been so much more outgoing and happy. He goes to work without a problem and the customers don't make him freak out anymore. He actually likes leaving the house and wants to see his friends more often. I'm very happy and relieved he is doing so well.

I got a couple of vacations lined up: Baltimore/Washington DC with my BFF at the end of June. So excited! I've never been to either city, so that will be awesome! Orioles game is also in the works and hopefully I'll get to see my half-brother Felipe.

Then followed by San Francisco/Berkeley/Oakland with my gal pals at the end of July. I seriously cannot wait to show them my old college haunts. A slice of Zack's pizza and a La Burrita burrito are definitely in order. 

Latest picture of me & my boo. Keeping the weight off! I can finally wear yoga pants & not be horrified by my legs, thighs and butt :) :) :)

But I can't help falling in love with you...

Valentine's Day 2016



:)

She said she want someone to treat her as an equal & right then we started speeding towards Reno

Reno was a much too short of a trip. I think I want to go back.

The drive through the Sierras in the dark was unreal. A little scary and a little wonderful. Christmas looking trees with thick snow still stuck in the branches. At one point as we hit Truckee, I saw little flakes of snow blowing in the wind. The lamp posts at the side of the road would catch it in the light and you could see these little fluffy bits floating down. Snow was falling and it was almost magical. The lonely, winding roads made me a little afraid but Jose was cool, calm and collected. He drove over 1,000 miles on stick shift and made it look easy. His siblings in the back (twins) Cas and Diana helped me pick out music on my ancient iPod. We laughed, sang and joked around the entire way. It was the perfect bonding experience.

The weather in Reno was incredibly cold for my warm, Southern California blood but I enjoyed the change. The air was heavy with cold and my breath looked like a giant vapor cloud. I saw snow on the ground for the first in decades. Granted, it was dirty, parking lot snow but I still played with it. Not enough to make a snow angel or a snow ball but enough to crunch around in. Snow is completely foreign to me so I took lots of pictures and held the soft, COLD, fluffy stuff in my hands as long as I could.

We hung out with Jose's dad and cousins the entire time. They're all very nice and generous people, so I'm happy to soon call them my family. Even the Reno relatives asked us if we were going to get married soon :)

Speaking of which, it was fun looking at rings on Saturday night. I picked out what style I liked and we set a reasonable budget. Even Jose started looking at wedding bands for himself. This was the ring I liked the best, but maybe the color of the stone might change. Blue is my favorite color, so it was hard to slip this off my finger...

2016 is definitely looking like a great year! I have this wonderful nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing that I will soon be Jose's wife. I am so overwhelmed with happiness each and every day. I go to sleep excited for the next day because it brings me one day closer to our next new chapter. I love him absolutely and completely, with every fiber of my being. 

Take my hand, take my whole life, too...

Welcome to 2016! Another year and another promise of new experiences, opportunities and milestones :)

Here we are in January and I'm brimming with excitement! I'm bursting with happiness and looking forward to what this year with bring! 2015 set the groundwork and 2016 will be the launch pad.

We ended the Christmas season with a few great promises: our weight loss and exercises plans went well, despite all the yummy, fattening holiday food. Jose ended the year 50 lbs. lighter and I lost a total of 20 lbs. Things are looking skinnier in the mirror...

Jose also told me he'd been talking to his dad in Reno about getting a ring and that "a ring is on its way." He kept measuring my finger and asking for which rings fit me the best. I did my best to maintain my composure but truth be told, I was flipping out inside. I was DYING to tell my girlfriends but decided it was better to just wait. Then on New Year's Day, Jose decided he wanted to see his dad in person and that it would be better to get fitted for an engagement ring at his jewelry store in Reno. OH BOY!!!! :) :) :) We slapped a trip together with his siblings (twins) Cas and Diana, booked a hotel, got snow chains for Jose's tires and we're leaving for Reno, Nevada this afternoon. Not only am I stoked to see Jose's dad again, but I get to meet all his cousins I've heard so much about. I'll do my best to keep my cool during the engagement ring fitting.

But with all the awesome, happy news...there are other things that are not maybe as great. Jose had his final exams in mid-December, which was then followed by my birthday and the Christmas holidays. This meant parties, new family and friends to meet, crowds, lines and generally more social events than Jose is used to. He fell in and out of moods during this time when he didn't want to go out or leave the house. He decided to stop taking his medication for a bit. On Christmas Day, he left my cousin's party to get coffee and didn't feel like talking to anyone. I felt a little embarrassed but I knew something had to be up. At the grocery store the next day, his behavior was different and he felt like the man standing behind him was too close. I had never seen Jose this freaked out. It all spiraled from there. After a couple of squabbles and frustrating fights, I discover that not only is Jose dealing with his depression and schizophrenia, he also had been treated for tremors (his head would sometimes shake involuntarily) and social anxiety. I'm slowly learning now about his conditions, so I don't know for sure if they're stand-alone or part of a larger disease. What I do know is I love him very much and I am undeterred. There were some tears and emotional hugs. In the end, we felt good about the future and Jose felt I understood where he was coming from. He made me feel safe, too and told me nothing had changed: he wants to get married and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He went back to taking his meds and we compromised on our weekly grocery trip. Now we get our groceries delivered by Vons each week and it's actually a lot cheaper than driving to Walmart. He said something that resonated strongly: "We don't run." As in, we will not run from our problems, we will not run away from each other when times get tough. We stick together and talk it through, no matter how hard it is. We will go through this life, hand in hand. 

I can't wait to hit the road on our trip in a few hours. We're packing light and we're packing warm. Photos of our cool trip coming soon! I hope I finally get to see snow fall from the sky or at least on the ground. Also, I'm looking forward to finally leaving the state with my boy and his siblings. I predict some hot chocolate for me and coffee for Jose, spending time talking and laughing. He is my whole world and when times get rough, I always feel like my love for him goes stronger and takes on a new dimension. I feel myself growing: becoming selfless and more mature. It feels good to know I am also a source of strength and support for him. Each and every day, I think of what we have and I know I'm lucky. 

Through all the things my eyes have seen, the best by far is you…

The updates have been sparse these last few months because life is happening and I can hardly keep up with all the fun and exciting experiences that keep coming my way. One day life will be really difficult and I’ll wonder, “When were the good times?”

Well, these are it. And I’m enjoying them as much as I can.

The new place in Eagle Rock is fantastic! I love, love, LOVE our new apartment. The weather is getting cold finally and we’re not freezing our butts off like we did in Highland Park. No more seeing our breath in the kitchen! Every Saturday, I take pride in cleaning the apartment. I’m vacuuming the carpets with a smile on my face and scrubbing the toilet with enthusiasm. I love the view from our windows and catch myself staring out into sky or gazing over the green and yellow tree tops. Autumn looks good on Eagle Rock and even on rainy days, it’s beautiful. We’re hosting our first party next Sunday and all of Jose’s family is coming over to celebrate his nephew Sean’s 2^nd birthday. Some of our friends are coming over later in the month to watch Tom Hanks movies and I should be celebrating my birthday/housewarming at the end of December. I can’t wait to show off the new (not so new) place!

I’m also starting to understand Jose’s mental illness a little better. The other day he was set to see his doctor for his usual 3 month check-up and he was wondering whether he should talk to her about changing the dosage on his medication. For a while, he felt the meds were making him more tired and keeping him kind of in a sleepy state. I remember when we first started dating he would always be napping. He decided to start cutting the dosage in half and taking his half-pill at the end of each day because it helped him sleep. Recently, he felt the voices he hears in his head were talking more loudly and it was getting hard to ignore them. We were driving to his mom’s house to pick up his brother to go car shopping when Jose started telling me the new development in the voices. He said the negative voices take on the voices of people he knows, for example his boss, his parents or even me. He then asks me in all honesty “You’re not reading my thoughts, right? You’re not talking to me in my head, are you?” I say no and at that moment I understand what he was trying to explain to me back in March of this year:

"Sometimes I have conversations with you in my head...and they're always negative."

I didn’t quite understand what he meant when he said that months ago, but now it hit me. It’s not him that feels that way, it’s not me being mean…it’s the illness and it warps reality in such a way, that it’s almost hard not to take it personally.

Jose is relieved knowing that he’s right, that it’s just the voices and he resolves to talk to his doctor about it. It might be time to change the dosage on his meds. Things return to normal and I felt grateful that he decides to share so much about what he’s going through instead of bottling it all up in fear. He even asks his doctor if it would be possible to get a note saying he would like to get a cat for therapy reasons. Our apartment is not pet friendly but this might help us get a tiny, kitten-sized exception. We shall see.

I now understand why he’s so adamant about having background noise on. You’ll never see him without his headphones on while he’s studying or listening to a Pandora station while he works on a project in the kitchen. He likes the distraction because he’s not always keen on sitting in silence, alone with his thoughts. Sometimes those thoughts can get pretty loud. I’ll be sitting on the couch, thumbing through my phone in perfect silence and he’ll ask why I’m not watching TV or have music on. I smile and say I don’t mind the quiet. Jose will look at me like I’m nuts. I guess I understand better now.

Other life improvements include our 6 month transformation: Jose and I have both a lost a lot of weight since the beginning of the summer!! We started dieting, changing our eating habits for the better and exercising about 5 times a week! Jose has lost about 40 lbs. and I have lost 17 lbs! We both feel fantastic and our clothes are hanging off of us. Jose is looking very lean these days and I’m slowing making my tummy disappear. I’m loving this slimmer waist line! I dusted off my belt and starting using it proudly on the 4^th notch instead of squeezing into the 2^nd.  I reached my goal weight and got myself some cute black yoga pants. My butt looks amazing! The weight loss has done wonders for our sex life, too: MORE ENERGY!

And of course, our anniversary is today! Happy 3 years to us!!! :) We’re having dinner and exchanging presents tonight. We always tell each other what we want for our anniversary, so there’s no fun surprise but at least we both get exactly what we want. I got Jose a new Deftones shirt and a black cardigan sweater in his new size of large. He got me flowers (white orchid, my favorite!) and an iTunes gift card. But what I think is the best present is the promise he made me over dinner last night. We were talking about our future plans and he was laying out what classes he’d be taking in the next 3 years. He saw my face fall and he asked what was wrong. I had to speak up: he had all his academic goals in mind but what about ours? Would we have to wait until he gets his degree to get married? The day we finally get hitched seems like it’s getting further and further away from us. He tells me he can see us getting married in the foreseeable future, before he finishes his degree. I ask, “What does ‘foreseeable future mean?’” Five years? Three years? Two years? He says one year. A year from this anniversary, he’ll ask me to marry him and then we can set a date. OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! It’s happening! It’s really happening!

Life is happening! Life is happening with the man that I love!! The good times are here!!

I want to thank you today & forever: let's make a little happy mess together

We're moving again!!!!!!

....and the best news? It's Jose's sister's old apartment: the one we had originally wanted back in April of last year but were passed over. Read about it here  :)

Jose's sister Elizabeth moved into a bigger house and when her apartment became free, guess who she called up? We turned in an application and made a good impression on the landlord. Our giant deposit & first month's rent was handed over on Friday. Unfortunately, the carpet was still being washed, so we have to wait a few more days to move in. Hopefully there are no more delays and we can sign the agreement and get the keys finally before the weekend. I am beyond excited!! This new place is in a better neighborhood than our current little house, we have more space and a large walk-in closet. Our new place is near a college, so there's tons of little cute restaurants and shops. It has a very hipster vibe to it and the sidewalks are clean. We're on the second floor of the building and face south, so we get a lot of fresh air and sunshine. I'm dreading all the packing but looking forward to the big move and all the unpacking. We can finally have people over and not be embarrassed by the lack of space. It's still a studio apartment, but everything is bigger! No more stand-up shower! A big old tub and a window in every room, including the closet. Love that new paint smell!

Our bedroom area with the big south-facing windows

Our living room area with a peek of our walk-in closet

The closet comes with a vanity, stool and built-in cabinets

Our bathroom

The kitchen

Our kitchen windows that face west. We have a view of the next apartment building

Apologizing now if I disappear for a little while, I have tons of packing to do and redecorating. Jose is being extra patient with me as I ask him endless questions about what colors we should use in the bathroom, if he thinks we should buy a new trash can and what shower curtain looks cute. Sorry, but right now, this is my dream apartment and I want it to look just right. Looking forward to our first night in the new place and all the adventures waiting for us in good ol' Eagle Rock :D

"He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother"

Jose's sister Diana wrote a little essay to win a radio contest. The subject matter needed to reflect on a friend or family member that deserves to meet their idol. I don't think she won but it was a cute little write-up nonetheless and I wanted to share it here...

I feel like words will never express how great this guy really is and how much he means to me but here goes nothing! Jose is, without a doubt, one of my most favorite human beings on this planet. I have been blessed to have had the privilege of growing up with him and spending around 210, 379 hours by his side. I feel lucky just to know him. The joy he brings is something beyond my comprehension. I'm not trying to make him out to be a god or something like that (Although he wouldn't mind that haha) . He is just so great. I'm thankful for his support & constant encouragement. He motivates me to do better each day. He inspires me to do better. Everyone loves him, he's hard-working, and all around AWESOME dude.

If I could give him the world I would. He helped raise all of us, we are six in total and he's the oldest. The man of the house. One of the men in my life ( I have two other brothers). I'm so thankful he hung around for so long, he is a big blessing to our family, the biggest! He always keeps me humble and tells me to be thankful for whatever we have, our health, our friends, our family, this life. We live in Burbank now, but we previously lived in Highland Park, and even though he's moved back to Highland Park to this tiny, cute & humble backhouse, he still takes care of all of us. He's always calling me to make sure everything is good...that I'm taking care of the car so it will take good care of me. The car, a honda civic, used to be his baby! lol He'd always say "who's sick whip is this?!" as we approached the old, rusty vehichle...[..], don't let him I called it old or rusty! haha

Jose Saucedo is a genuine guy, loves wholeheartedly...you know that "person" we always talk about to others? The kind of person you want to meet, or be, that's great to have around, in your corner, super friendly, nonjudgmental, makes you laugh, and who will always have your back? That is this guy!!! I know he would do anything for the ones he loves. He would help people with their cars if they needed it. I know he's always helping a friend. My friends would even tell me in appreciation that he helped them out with their car. He's caring, respectful, honest, humble, and funny as hell! That's one of my favorite things about him...and probably the first thing his friends would say too. That he is a cool guy and makes them laugh. He always makes me laugh. Just don't put him on the spot! Lol

Also good to know, he works at Pepboys in Burbank, absolutely LOVES Chino Moreno, the Deftones, he loves them! He loves cars & working on them. He's gone back to school to get a better education, to get a better job, to better himself, and they want to get married, Jose & [his girlfriend]. He just moved out about 9 months ago with his girlfriend, [...] (who is just as great, I love her!) . I love them both! But yeah, what more can I say, I love the guy, SO MUCH! Please, with all my heart, I AM TELLING YOU, choose him. He is SO GREAT. He deserves it.

Mr. No More Glasses

(that Contact Lenses life)