I wanna give you the world like it was mine to share...

Life is happening so fast that I forget sometimes I need to update this thing. I keep this journal not only to document the good times, but to also reflect on the bad times. What I wanted was a record of how I have grown as a person and what I have learned about the meaning of love. I guess I was naive and thought life only moved forward in one direction, like a linear story I would tell my children or grand children. But living (and loving) Jose has taught me that life does not work that way. I can scarcely keep up with the way the future is growing because it does NOT go in a straight line. I quickly learned that life explodes and unfolds like a flower. It bursts and moves in all sorts of direction, spreading this way and that way. There's the story of me and Jose, then Jose - me - our cat, then my life with my mom and family, Jose's family, our friends and their significant others, our friends kids, work friends, and on and on. Here's one thread unwinding and moving in this direction and then there's another thread branching out. So forgive me if I forget for months at a time that I wanted to in my small way write all of this down.

One special piece of news: Jose has a niece! His sister Elizabeth had her second child, a little girl named Olivia :)

Baby fever has hit an all-time high!! She's a cutie and I look forward to watching Olivia grow up. We've added another thread to the story.

Also, we went to a huge concert a couple of weekends ago to see a bunch of Rhymesayers Records artists which included Atmosphere, Jose's favorite hip hop group. His brother Cas tagged along and we were so lucky to meet the rapper Slug (real name: Sean Daley)! He was so nice! And incredibly tall. The boys were blown away and at a loss for words. Jose couldn't even look Slug in the face, he was so star struck. Cas could barely get his words out. I had a permanent smile on my face for the rest of the day. The show was incredible and has been by far the best rap show I've ever been to. I guess it's no secret that I am also now a huge Atmosphere fan since Jose introduced me to their music 4 years ago. I love the lyrics, the soulful beats Slug raps over and how relatable their music can be.

So I guess you could say, life has been good. We've hit a couple of snags here and there but nothing that we couldn't work out. I'm continually excited to see where all the threads of my life might lead. I promise to hurry up and try to write as much of it down as I can :)

Meet me in the altar in your white dress...

The ring is done and Jose's dad is personally bringing it down from Reno the weekend of September 22nd to coincide with the birth of Jose's sister Liz's baby girl. Little Olivia has a programmed c-section on the 22nd.

I've started researching which city hall we want to get married at and which restaurant would be best to have dinner with our closest family and friends. I'm trying to keep everything low cost and low key, but with our families...that might not be the easiest thing to do.

Honeymoon!! I know we're aiming to marry in November, maybe even later so that we can take advantage of the "cold" weather here in LA. I've begun researching that, too but it won't be a long getaway since Jose gets very little vacation time. We might just stay local or in the tri-state area. So excited nonetheless!

Good thing it's summer so I have a lot of free time to research the internet and dream of the perfect wedding that reflects the love we have for one another :)

Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur...

Guess who became pet parents on Sunday!?!?

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Jose and I adopted our little fur baby and his name is Jasper!

He's a 9 year old medium hair domestic tabby :) We wanted a cat that's low maintenance and that would be self sufficient. Jasper is pretty independent and even though he's a senior citizen in the cat world, he has a lot of life in him. He loves being petted and scratched around the ears. He takes daytime naps under our bed and sleeps on top of the sheets by our feet at night. He sits on my night stand to chirp at the birds early in the morning and gazes at the moon. His favorite food is the wet stuff that comes from a can and tap water from the faucet. Unfortunately, the vet told us he has a heart murmur and we should keep an ear on his breathing in case it ever becomes labored or rapid. It might be that he's had that heart murmur since he was a kitten and it will never become a problem, so we shall see if further down the line he's gonna need an x-ray or heart scan. Jasper was declawed by whoever dumped him at the animal shelter. He gets easily frightened and has peed himself a couple of times (once in the adoption office and once at the vet). I can only imagine how rough his life must have been. We look forward to making the rest of his super comfortable. I love our little full grown man cat. Our furry little old dude.

His daddy Jose loves him, too :)

Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you...

It's getting closer!

A couple of nights ago we browsed rings on a jewelry website and narrowed down our choices to two or three rings we both really liked. Jose said he needed two more months to save up and then...well...we shall see! A question will be popped soon...it's looking more and more real each day. AHHHHH!!! I'm so excited but I gotta keep it to myself. I feel like I'm bursting with news!!! I can almost see this engagement on the horizon....

We mailed in our petition to ask our building if we can have an emotional support animal, namely a cute kitten. Fingers crossed we get to finally have our furry little friend. It was a pretty annoying process and we had to get a couple of signatures from Jose's doctors but let's hope we get approved. 

Speaking of doctors, Jose talked to his mental health doctor last month and was prescribed anti-depressants to deal with his social anxiety. Almost instantly I noticed a difference in his day-to-day behavior and he's been so much more outgoing and happy. He goes to work without a problem and the customers don't make him freak out anymore. He actually likes leaving the house and wants to see his friends more often. I'm very happy and relieved he is doing so well.

I got a couple of vacations lined up: Baltimore/Washington DC with my BFF at the end of June. So excited! I've never been to either city, so that will be awesome! Orioles game is also in the works and hopefully I'll get to see my half-brother Felipe.

Then followed by San Francisco/Berkeley/Oakland with my gal pals at the end of July. I seriously cannot wait to show them my old college haunts. A slice of Zack's pizza and a La Burrita burrito are definitely in order. 

Latest picture of me & my boo. Keeping the weight off! I can finally wear yoga pants & not be horrified by my legs, thighs and butt :) :) :)

But I can't help falling in love with you...

Valentine's Day 2016



:)

She said she want someone to treat her as an equal & right then we started speeding towards Reno

Reno was a much too short of a trip. I think I want to go back.

The drive through the Sierras in the dark was unreal. A little scary and a little wonderful. Christmas looking trees with thick snow still stuck in the branches. At one point as we hit Truckee, I saw little flakes of snow blowing in the wind. The lamp posts at the side of the road would catch it in the light and you could see these little fluffy bits floating down. Snow was falling and it was almost magical. The lonely, winding roads made me a little afraid but Jose was cool, calm and collected. He drove over 1,000 miles on stick shift and made it look easy. His siblings in the back (twins) Cas and Diana helped me pick out music on my ancient iPod. We laughed, sang and joked around the entire way. It was the perfect bonding experience.

The weather in Reno was incredibly cold for my warm, Southern California blood but I enjoyed the change. The air was heavy with cold and my breath looked like a giant vapor cloud. I saw snow on the ground for the first in decades. Granted, it was dirty, parking lot snow but I still played with it. Not enough to make a snow angel or a snow ball but enough to crunch around in. Snow is completely foreign to me so I took lots of pictures and held the soft, COLD, fluffy stuff in my hands as long as I could.

We hung out with Jose's dad and cousins the entire time. They're all very nice and generous people, so I'm happy to soon call them my family. Even the Reno relatives asked us if we were going to get married soon :)

Speaking of which, it was fun looking at rings on Saturday night. I picked out what style I liked and we set a reasonable budget. Even Jose started looking at wedding bands for himself. This was the ring I liked the best, but maybe the color of the stone might change. Blue is my favorite color, so it was hard to slip this off my finger...

2016 is definitely looking like a great year! I have this wonderful nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing that I will soon be Jose's wife. I am so overwhelmed with happiness each and every day. I go to sleep excited for the next day because it brings me one day closer to our next new chapter. I love him absolutely and completely, with every fiber of my being. 

Take my hand, take my whole life, too...

Welcome to 2016! Another year and another promise of new experiences, opportunities and milestones :)

Here we are in January and I'm brimming with excitement! I'm bursting with happiness and looking forward to what this year with bring! 2015 set the groundwork and 2016 will be the launch pad.

We ended the Christmas season with a few great promises: our weight loss and exercises plans went well, despite all the yummy, fattening holiday food. Jose ended the year 50 lbs. lighter and I lost a total of 20 lbs. Things are looking skinnier in the mirror...

Jose also told me he'd been talking to his dad in Reno about getting a ring and that "a ring is on its way." He kept measuring my finger and asking for which rings fit me the best. I did my best to maintain my composure but truth be told, I was flipping out inside. I was DYING to tell my girlfriends but decided it was better to just wait. Then on New Year's Day, Jose decided he wanted to see his dad in person and that it would be better to get fitted for an engagement ring at his jewelry store in Reno. OH BOY!!!! :) :) :) We slapped a trip together with his siblings (twins) Cas and Diana, booked a hotel, got snow chains for Jose's tires and we're leaving for Reno, Nevada this afternoon. Not only am I stoked to see Jose's dad again, but I get to meet all his cousins I've heard so much about. I'll do my best to keep my cool during the engagement ring fitting.

But with all the awesome, happy news...there are other things that are not maybe as great. Jose had his final exams in mid-December, which was then followed by my birthday and the Christmas holidays. This meant parties, new family and friends to meet, crowds, lines and generally more social events than Jose is used to. He fell in and out of moods during this time when he didn't want to go out or leave the house. He decided to stop taking his medication for a bit. On Christmas Day, he left my cousin's party to get coffee and didn't feel like talking to anyone. I felt a little embarrassed but I knew something had to be up. At the grocery store the next day, his behavior was different and he felt like the man standing behind him was too close. I had never seen Jose this freaked out. It all spiraled from there. After a couple of squabbles and frustrating fights, I discover that not only is Jose dealing with his depression and schizophrenia, he also had been treated for tremors (his head would sometimes shake involuntarily) and social anxiety. I'm slowly learning now about his conditions, so I don't know for sure if they're stand-alone or part of a larger disease. What I do know is I love him very much and I am undeterred. There were some tears and emotional hugs. In the end, we felt good about the future and Jose felt I understood where he was coming from. He made me feel safe, too and told me nothing had changed: he wants to get married and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He went back to taking his meds and we compromised on our weekly grocery trip. Now we get our groceries delivered by Vons each week and it's actually a lot cheaper than driving to Walmart. He said something that resonated strongly: "We don't run." As in, we will not run from our problems, we will not run away from each other when times get tough. We stick together and talk it through, no matter how hard it is. We will go through this life, hand in hand. 

I can't wait to hit the road on our trip in a few hours. We're packing light and we're packing warm. Photos of our cool trip coming soon! I hope I finally get to see snow fall from the sky or at least on the ground. Also, I'm looking forward to finally leaving the state with my boy and his siblings. I predict some hot chocolate for me and coffee for Jose, spending time talking and laughing. He is my whole world and when times get rough, I always feel like my love for him goes stronger and takes on a new dimension. I feel myself growing: becoming selfless and more mature. It feels good to know I am also a source of strength and support for him. Each and every day, I think of what we have and I know I'm lucky.