Friday afternoon I solidified plans with Andrew the EMT…:
Me: I see we’ve planned to hang out tomorrow…is that still on? If so, what time and what did you have in mind?
Andrew: I’m thinking somewhere in Old Town Pasadena…there are a few bars down there.
Me: Sweet. You coming to pick me up or are we gonna meet there? More importantly, will you be coming in the ambulance? LOL!
Andrew: I’m in it right now lol would you mind meeting me there? Maybe around 9:30-ish? Bar hopping!
Me: 9:30 tomorrow it is. Just let me know what bar you’ll be at. Hope you’re not texting and driving. Make the dead guy in the back do it.
Andrew: LMAO, oh he WILL do it. No doubt about it…and yes I will let you know what bar I will be at.
See? Sounds fun, right? My friend Reina texted me for good luck and mentioned that our other friend Ana was nervous for me. Even Paul chimed in over FB chat and wished me well on my date. I spent all of Saturday lounging around my house, mulling over this ridiculous date and how I wasn’t even really interested…at the very least, I’d get some good laughs in and a few free drinks. No harm, no foul.
9 pm rolls its ugly head around and I fire a text:
Me: So what bar do you want to meet at? I’m getting ready to head out in a few.
Andrew: Hey not sure if you got my text earlier but unfortunately my cousin passed away late last night and I’m with my family. I’m really sorry about this.
Me: Wow….obviously I did not. Holy shit: I’m really sorry to hear that. Hang in there man, I know you just lost your grandpa. My deepest sympathies to your family.
Andrew: Thank you. It’s hard right now for us all. Thank you for understanding. It’s too much right now.
WHAT?!?! HIS FUCKING COUSIN DIED?!? Ughhh…depression sinks in. Depression leads to desperation…..desperation leads to Edgar….Edgar leads to no willpower…no willpower leads to pathetic texts:
Me: Well, there goes my Saturday night. Date just canceled on me because his cousin died. Want a study break tonight?
Edgar: That sucks. I would love to but I am at dinner.
Me: What about after? I’m gonna go get dinner too and drown my sorrows in beer. Sucking your dick later tonight would cheer me up.
Naturally, he never responded. Either because I’ve sufficiently freaked him out or he’s a coward…either way, I didn’t care and added this to Edgar’s ever-growing loss column. I ended up having a shitty night with only two of the four bars I visited being open (one was not open to the public because of a private party and the second had about 10 police cars parked in front of it). I stumbled home around 1 am, reeking of cigars. Thanks Havana House! Ughhh.
And to top it off, I spent most of the weekend avoiding the eternal nuisance that is Jason Hunt.
Quick recap: Jason was a guy I hooked up with in 2004 when I still thought blowjobs were intimate and special. I was visiting his friend (and my super crush) Sean in New York City. After being rejected soundly, (Sean had a girlfriend he hated but not enough to cheat on) I decided to chat it up with Jay and proceeded to give him a pretty clumsy blowjob in the front seat of his car. I still trace this back to the moment in my life where I fell in love with sucking dick. It was exhilarating, totally unlike me and incredibly reckless. I think he and I talked once or twice about it when I returned back home but I quickly grew bored of him once he made it clear that’s ALL he ever wanted to talk about. Six years later, he’s still as sleazy and immature. We caught each other on FB chat and discussed what we were up to in life. It only took a few minutes before he was begging to come visit me so he could “bang that ass.” I entertained the idea for about a day before I decided once and for all this guy was an idiot and there was no way in hell I’d be spending ANY time or money on his stupid butt. I didn’t even think he was cute anymore! Yuck….and did I mention he’s as dumb as rocks? His only redeeming factor is he loves the Deftones as much as I do.
This had better not be overall theme of the fall season: dead people and gross guys coming after me. I had enough disappointment this summer; I don’t need it seeping into the next chapter of my life.
I still think (read: fantasize) about Alfonso a million times a day. But I’ve gotten better! I don’t think I’ll be saving my last vacation day of the year to visit Boston….I might use that for Reina’s birthday weekend in Vegas next month. I’m trying to stay realistic here. But it’s so hard when he embodies so much of what I want……I don’t think I’ll be satisfied until he rejects me completely and thoroughly.
Why can’t I just get over him? Why can’t I just knock him out of my heart? I need this persisting crush to just go away as quickly as it came because I know it won’t lead to a happy ending. They never do.
p.s. this is currently my favorite picture of him....it's his profile pic on FB...I've spent far too many minutes staring at it and feeling unhappy when the giddiness fades.
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