Labor Day weekend has come and gone which means the summer is essentially over. It has been an eventful summer thus far and I really wish it wouldn’t end….but all good things must come to a close….
Thursday night I hopped on Facebook to check my messages and continue my exhaustive stalking of Alfonso when I saw my friend Andrew was available to chat. I wanted to see how he was doing since he works as an EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) and had also recently lost his grandfather. We made some nice small talk and there came a point in the conversation where I asked about all the horror stories he must see on the job…and well…then this happened:
Me: Well, one of these days we should hang out...I wanna hear stories. I watch Rescue Me. It’s about firefighters. I need to bust some myths about the job.
Andrew: Please do. Hanging out should be cool. Let’s do it. We should next weekend after I come back from Laughlin: what do u say???
Me: Sure thing....September 11th is a Saturday. What do you say? It’s America’s anniversary of the worst tragedy in history. Can't go wrong, right? :)
Andrew: Why not? I like your thinking...how ironic it’s on that date and you will be hearing stories from someone in the EMS field. I love it.
Me: You can’t make this kinda shit up.
Andrew: I should say, I love it that we'll be hanging out :) I need to go out. August was by far one of the crappiest months ever for me. I’m glad I made it lol
Me: well, let's celebrate. Fuck August. September will be better.
So, out of nowhere, I got asked out on a date. So much for summer winding down, right? Well, I’ll count this as part of the fall season. I’m not particularly attracted to Andrew but he’s very witty and I need to hang out with a guy who actually WANTS to see me. We exchanged digits and he threatened/promised to bug me with texts over the long weekend while he was vacationing in Laughlin. I thought “Yeah right whatever” since I am now accustomed to guys promising to keep in touch and blowing me off like it’s something fun to do. I didn’t pay much mind to him the whole weekend but instead focused on having a blast with my friend Sandy while watching my favorite band, The Sweet & Tender Hooligans, perform in Hermosa Beach. I was in new wave heaven with a face full of lead singer Jose’s crotch during “There is a Light That Never Goes Out” when I check my phone and see a message from Andrew.
Andrew: “There is a light that never goes out…take me anywhere I don’t care, I don’t care.”
Me: They’re doing that song right now!!! You’re good. :)
Andrew: I’m good and buzzed lol Drinks on [you], just kidding….
Me: Haha!! Enjoy Laughlin, see ya later.
Not sure what he meant to say in that last text but I just chalked it up to drunken texting. I had a good laugh about it….especially since he quoted the song lyrics wrong. Oh well. We’ll give him an “A” for effort.
I’m trying to stay in reality. I’m trying to be the best person I can right now and not sell myself short. On Friday afternoon I went to confession at my church and sat in the pews with my heart racing. I had stopped taking communion last year when I moved out with Dan. I don’t think it’s very appropriate in my religion to live in sin with your boyfriend and take the holy sacrament, so out of respect I stopped receiving it but still attended church somewhat regularly. Now here we are a year later and I need to confess to God and my priest what I’ve been doing this whole time in order to start taking communion again. Father Penaloza was the only priest on duty, which was killing me because I know he’s kind of old school and a little ornery. I sat there worried, my mind a myriad of all the different approaches I could take to explain my situation. I tried hashing it all out in my head, hoping that my favorite priest Father Enrique would show up….when all of a sudden, I see him emerge from behind the altar and ask who’s next to take confession (it’s a sign?! GOD HEARD ME?). I felt myself stand up like a robot and walk over to him. And then I let it all out: the live-in boyfriend situation, the decision to stop taking communion and not attending mass, the drugs, the lying, the cheating….and most importantly, all the grief and disappointed I put on my own mother. I was forgiven, asked to offer an act of contrition to God and say a prayer. Tears welled in my eyes but this time they weren’t because of sadness or anger….they were of relief and maybe a little joy. I took communion and wine this Sunday at mass and never felt better, despite how bitter the wine might have tasted.
Every week life feels like it’s getting better and better. I really love this feeling of renewal, of new beginnings and hope. I will not let Alfonso’s silence (which I have now accepted as scorn) bother me. He never returned my friendly text and seems to be going out with some girl named Mabel to see Broken Social Scene. It doesn’t sound like he’s going on a “date” with this girl and she appears to be a co-worker….but still, I am jealous. I really, really need to stop stalking his FB page but it’s so tempting…especially since most of his posts are interesting and I learn something else I like about him. Ughhhhh…..I’ll leave him alone for a few weeks. Can’t promise I won’t spy on his posts, though.
For now, let’s concentrate on my date this Saturday. Andrew sounds genuinely interested. Let’s see how long he’ll stay interested since I’ve already decided not to fuck him, no matter how cool/funny/nice he might turn out to be on the first date. Boning every single guy I’ve met this summer within 24 hours has helped in getting myself rejected on each and every occasion. The new and improved fall schedule will wait at least a few dates before jumping in the sack. Let’s see if a revised game plan will improve my chances of establishing a meaningful connection and staying rejection-free. Sorry Andrew. Welcome to autumn, folks!!!!
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