WEDNESDAY:
I had dinner with Mike at Fred 62. It all felt so perfect and effortless, I thought maybe I was dreaming...but he looked oh-so-cute and bashful just sitting there, laughing, smiling, using his hands to make emphatic points about movies, music, pop culture and our old, scattered college memories...it felt like only our voices could be heard over the din of the restaurant...I didn't want to go home as we sat there in the booth of the quirky diner, sharing one vanilla milkshake and talking for hours. I know that at several points during the evening, I was just staring at him as he talked...my head slightly cocked to one side, listening and not listening, sitting nearly cross-legged on the squeaky plastic seat of the booth...and at the end of the night, we decided we wanted to date...awkwardly, in true nerd-boy fashion, asked if he could kiss me (except he said if I wanted to "bring it in" which produced explosive laughter) and of course, I said yes...and it was smooth, sweet and sincere...dreamy...never pushy, never too strong...as soft as my eyelashes against his cheek. We made plans for Sunday. (sigh) I floated back to my car.
Here's a visual aid...I present to you Mike:
THURSDAY:
So this is where the madness begins and I purge a sweet memory with violent passion...I go to The Descendents and Bad Religion concert with Dan in tow...we spend the entire night pushing off crazy crowd-surfers and 300 lbs. bros who just wanted to fuck shit up during "Infected." My arms and legs feel like they've been pummeled after the mosh pit erupts just inches from my left ear...my face feels like jelly...but yet I muster the strength and sexual deviance to blow Dan in the front seat of my car in front of his house. I drive home, reeking of beer, semen and blood....I notice a strawberry-colored bruise on my chin and try to wipe it away...yuck...so disgusting...my eyes are sunken with smeared black eyeliner and mascara...my lips feel numb. I feel numb.
But yet as I crawl like a corpse into a coffin, I remember something I wanted to do...I remember another dagger I want to slowly spear into Edgar's side. I text him:
Me: Bad Religion and the Descendents were AMAZING tonight. You should just quit law school and come to shows with me.
I smirk to myself and put away my phone. He'll never call or text back...he's probably got a text book so far up his ass, he won't even notice me.
WRONG. About two seconds later my phone vibrates loudly, complaining of an incoming call. It's Edgar.
I answer in a low voice, almost a whisper. "Hello? Oh hey, it's you."
He lays into me, half-flirting and half-choking with rage...he wants to know why I didn't ask him to come to the show or why I walked out before seeing the headliner Rise Against. I scoff and say they suck...we then launch into a 10 minute battle of who can flirt the hardest...he's relentless...he wants to see me...he wants to make me pay...he wants to fuck the living shit out of me....he wants to make me sore again...he wants to spank me...he wants to kiss me...I just laugh a throaty laugh that doesn't belong to me...I'm no sex goddess but I can make some of his dreams come true...we decide on Friday night....on Friday night he's going to lay me out for real.
FRIDAY:
My date with depravity arrives faster than I expected...I feel like my life is now a far cry from the innocent dinner-time conversations of Wednesday night with Mike...but I just can't help myself...I can't help what Ed does to me...I want to release all the demons, all the pent-up girl emotions...I want to have sex with him after nearly a year of not doing so and I don't want to feel guilty afterward. I want to be degraded by him.
And so we meet at our usual spot, the ill-fated Starbucks on Beverly and Norwalk...I pull up next to his car and step out like a high-priced punk rock hooker...all black Bad Religion top squeezed against my breasts, mini-skirt, fishnet stalkings and Doc Marten boots...maybe I look ridiculous...maybe I look amazing...I don't know until I slide into his passenger seat and he says "hello"...I breathe hello back and within seconds my lips are crushed against his in a violent kiss. My tongue is in his mouth, his hands are on my thighs...the night is ours for the taking.
We do our usual nervous chatter and apprehensive preening...it becomes quite apparent neither one of us has a condom for tonight's festivities...this turns into a quick trip to Ralph's, the only all-night grocery store still open...I see Edgar now in the bright, fluorescent supermarket lights...there he is, decked out in a flannel shirt, blue jeans and tennis shoes...he looks good enough to eat as he stands there in the "family planning" aisle, pretending to care what brand of condoms we're going to get...I feel like a wild child as I walk alongside him, at a funeral procession's pace as we make our way to the check out stand...no bag necessary, he says to the cashier...I feel my cheeks burning in embarrassment as he pays for a box of 12 condoms (!!) and then I act like I'm not there...I try so hard to just be casual...we walk out of the store so quickly, joking that it'd be a riot if the security alarm would sound as we leave.
One motel check-in and $61.50 bill later, we're in our safe haven...he clicks on the light of the bathroom and excuses himself...I turn on the t.v. and watch a little bit of The Office...I can't even sit down, I'm so excited...
Moments later he's out and he's right up against me...I breathe and feel it all coming back to me...his lips smash against mine...our bodies are pressed up so close...I could die right there kissing this fucking bastard...my mind is just a racing blur of thoughts, emotions and memories...he pushes me down on the edge of the bed and pulls off my black T-shirt...my hair dangles down to my bare shoulders now and he's just staring up into my eyes..."How long have you been thinking about this?" he asks as he kisses my neck and unhooks my bra...I can hardly talk, Why does it all feel so different this time? What has changed??? I stutter as I try to form an answer..."Since...since...for a long time now" and then I feel like I can't breathe as he kisses his way down my belly...the lower he goes, the hotter my face feels...he moves back up and finishes removing my bra...then fastens his mouth onto my breasts and sucks hard on my nipples...I could scream but instead it all catches in my throat...I know I can be as loud as I want right now...but I wait...I bide my time running my fingers through his short, black hair, begging him to get up off his knees and let me suck him dry...there are no words as we kiss, then proceed to undress completely...off come shoes, socks, fishnets...he stands there with his jeans unbuttoned and slowly pulls off his white undershirt...I want to devour him as looks at me, bare-chested and with murder in his eyes...what has come over us, I'll never really know...but I order him to get on his back and suck his cock until he's moaning that he's gonna come...he spanks me until I get the job done.
The lights turn off suddenly in the motel room and we realize we're not in trouble, it's just that the lights are on a timer...real classy, right? What a way to interrupt a man's post-coital haze...it doesn't last long...soon he has me pinned against a stack of soft, white pillows...he's merciless on my clit and I come so hard, I feel all my sore muscles from the night before burning to help me remember...arghhh...my fingernails claw at his smooth back, the backs of his arms and his rounded shoulders...I savor the feeling of his tight, little muscles and bite into the flesh...all I can feel as I lay there suspended by his fingers is a desire to eat him alive...I don't want him to exist without me...my pussy is drenched and I can hear how wet I am by the slick sounds coming from between my legs as he works me into a fever...he won't stop rubbing that stubborn spot and I can't stop convulsing..."I love to feel you shake" he murmurs against my right ear...I swallow hard and tell him to shut up and fuck me...we must have done that at least twice because I can remember two distinct times: first I'm twisting in a white, hot orgasm as I ride on top of him, his face a sweaty mix of pain and pleasure...I tell him he's nothing but a glorified dildo which pisses him off...as payback he thrusts several times so hard against me, I nearly come again...the second time he's on top of me, fucking me like a champ...I can't help but mess with him as I taunt: "Oh come on! Fuck me harder. You're not a faggot, you can fuck me harder than that!"...he grinds me into the bed as I hear myself crying in pleasure..."Say my name!! SAY MY NAME!" he hisses at me in the dark, the only thing visible is the wild look in his eyes and the hair in my face...I cry out his name hoarsely as I finish in spite of myself...only it comes out more like "Ed...Ed...uhhh Eddie....God, Edgar." Just as I'm bucking my hips towards the ceiling, I feel him push down and freeze in that familiar way...I've never felt him come like that before. When it's all said and done, I've come at least four times and he's come twice. JESUS CHRIST.
Post-orgasm pillow talk...nothing like it...he lays on his back, propped up against some pillows as I put my head against his chest...he circles his left arm around my waist and holds me close. We laugh a little, talk a bit and rehash the crazy night we just had...he talks about law school, I talk about work...he playfully smacks my ass as he drones on about torts, briefs and this stupid "lawyer prom" he's going to with a girl he said is just his "friend" (yeah yeah yeah)...I begin to kiss my way down his stomach and nuzzle the soft flesh of his belly, hoping to incite another rock hard erection...he laughs and says he doesn't have anymore left in him, I spent him all up...it's time to go home. We solemnly get dressed and he helps me find my earrings. Did that all really just happen?
We trade our usual, heart-felt goodbyes replete with hungry kisses...I stumble out of his car and bid farewell...he calls me by my new nickname: "gorgeous" and says good night. All the way on the ride home I can smell him on me...on my face, my lips, on my mouth, on the tip of my tongue, all the way up into my nostrils I can smell his cologne, the taste of his hair and skin...even after I get home and scrub my face before bed...I wash my mouth and brush my teeth...but I can't shake his scent, it haunts me like a bad dream...THAT GUY IS GONNA BE A LAWYER SOMEDAY. Just wow.
SATURDAY:
King vs. Ducks with Dan and my girl friends...pleasant...no late-night shenanigans this time...and that was fine by me....still think we look cute together:
...but I did text Mike and cement plans for Sunday...also I couldn't help but flirt with Edgar one last time as I nursed the bruises on my thighs and legs--
Me: Thighs, abs and even my clit is sore...thanks for that :) Hope you had fun at your lawyer prom.
Edgar: I did.
Edgar: See you again soon.
He fucks me so well, it just makes me wanna cook him breakfast in the morning...the fact that he said "see you again soon" makes me think I fucked him so good he wants seconds and thirds. Hate that he keeps me a secret and runs around with all these stupid skinny bitches that couldn't fuck their way out of a broom closet...sometimes I hate Facebook:
Yeah, I'm crazy...and blurring their stupid faces was all-together too satisfying. Yikes.
SUNDAY:
I pulled it all together to be normal with Mike on Sunday for dinner...he took me to his favorite pub, Father's Office in Culver City...delicious burgers and fries by the way...we then tried to go bowling but all the lanes were filled up and there was no way we were gonna get on a waiting list...so we opted for some coffee and sat in his car talking....at the end of the night we talked about what was to happen next...thankfully both he and I don't want to get into a serious relationship yet...it was a relief, to say the least...but I'm glad he wants to continue dating...I would like that in my life, just a slice of sanity...I won't be kept in the shadows like Edgar wants me to...or be made a side bet like Dan has....I need to get away from them but I feel like a large portion of me is unable to...maybe Mike will be the one to finally get me away from the dark side...I've missed what it's like to be in the sunnier side of dating.
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