& I'm beyond your peripheral vision, so you might want to turn your head...

Is there something like, crazy in the air today?

Been contacted by two ex-"whatever you wanna call them" in the span of a few hours. Both kind of out of nowhere, but isn't that always how it goes? Nothing like this ever comes expected. Always out of left field.

Rob texted me after well over a year of silence. I had not heard from him since September 2012 and good riddance. I was tired of participating in his stupid "help me cheat on my girlfriend" reindeer games that left me feeling exhausted, unwanted and cheap. I deserved those feelings, yes. And he deserved to be rudely dismissed! I thought he hated me and was satisfied to never speak to me again.

But then this....

Me thinks he was sniffing around. Inevitably he asked how were things with me and I said fabulous. I told the truth because the truth is MARVELOUS. My life needs no embellishment. I have a great boyfriend. My career is good. I'm going to fucking Australia in a few weeks. It's all roses! I don't think he was expecting such an answer because he immediately retreated. He told me he and the girl he cheated on are still going at it, been living together for almost a year. His music-teacher career is going well and he's lost 70 lbs. Yeah, he even mentioned he was at the gym. OMG barf. After praising me on my success, he wished me well and cut the conversation short. And you know what, GOOD. Under no circumstances do I even want to talk to him unless I am smashing his face into how good I have it. 

"I'm not trying to give my life meaning

by demeaning you

and I would like to state for the record

I did everything that I could do

I'm not saying that I'm a saint

I just don't want to live that way

no, I will never be a saint

but I will always say:

squint your eyes and look closer

I'm not between you and your ambition..."

And then round two. Ryan. Oh yeahhhhh. That Ryan. The one and only.

Our conversations post-separation have been much more pleasant and we have remained distant allies. We never had a nasty "break up" or a Facebook unfriending. We just kinda went our separate ways with separate people. Of course, I was the one with the broken heart and he apparently had a broken spirit. Oh well. Whatever. We healed and were friendly on the internet. But today he decides to strike up a conversation and he finally admits he's dating someone, which I remember alluding to in a Facebook comment. Oh yeah cuz now I finally exist to him in FB-land...

It was so surreal having a conversation with him about our significant others. He tells me how whipped he is over her and how they've both lost "cool" points over one another, presumably because they dote on each other. I can tell he likes her. I see pictures of them on Instagram and they seem delighted. And I am so glad to see that. That's how I know I truly am over him. Seeing him with a new girl actually makes me smile. 

I tell him about Jose and how much I love him, and none of that is weird. Ryan gets it and tells me he regrets being so wayward when we were together. This isn't the first time he's said this, but it's the first time I think I actually believe him. I thought maybe before it was just him feeling guilty or sad over breaking my heart. But now I think it's because it's so clear we have both moved on completely. It doesn't feel wrong. It feels like a real apology that I can now accept because my wounds are healed and he's out of my heart. No remorse. Just happy.

Hooray indeed.

Jose came over today and I was just reminded how good I have it. I have it all. We ate burgers from my favorite spot and watched a marathon of Girls, season 2. I love to hear him laugh. He laughs so hard! There was a point where I was talking about how I had switched to a new shampoo and he ran his fingers through my hair. He twirled a couple of strands and said: "If I have a girl, I hope she gets your hair."

I am so lucky. I feel it all around. :)

Baby, do you dare to do this? Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse...

Happy New Year!!!

My 2014 started off with a couple of bangs.

Jose's New Years resolution from 2012 came to an end and he's no longer a vegetarian. It wasn't really much of a resolution as it was a bet among friends that he couldn't do it for 3 months. Well, 3 months turned into 2 years and on New Year's, we had T-bone steaks to celebrate his return to carnivore life. DELICIOUS! He cleaned his plate and mine :)

He's gotten a second job working part time at his friend Rocky's auto mechanic shop. He hopes to start phasing the Pep Boys stuff out and make the shop job his main gig. Right now he's just doing basic tune up stuff and I'm actually taking my car into his shop on Saturday for a break job. Second job means a little bit of money on the side, which is nice. He told me he's been saving up for our place. I asked if his family will be okay with him moving out this year, to which he told me that he doesn't think we'll be moving out anytime soon.

Well, that felt like a punch in the gut.

Neither one of us is very aggressive or confrontational, so our "fights" are always painfully understated. I stayed quiet and kinda slumped in my seat. I think he could feel the disappointment radiating from the passenger seat of the car. We we were happy and civil for the rest of the night but by the time he dropped me off at my house, I wasn't in the happiest mood. Especially when I tried to kiss him goodnight and he tells me he doesn't like it when I put my hand on the back of his head. He could have told me he hates water colors or the sound of baby kittens purring, and my reaction would have been the same. (SNAP) I immaturely stormed out of his car and went to bed. Hooray. We spent the first 12 hours of the new year mad at each other. By the afternoon, we hashed it out. He told me he was bothered by my silence over not being able to move out soon. I told him he was right and there was no point arguing over it. We both have to be ready. I apologized for being rude and walking out on him. All was well...

And then tonight, seemingly out of nowhere he asks:

A lot of friends around us are having babies and shacking up together (including his own sister!), so I think he feels the pressure to try and keep up or somehow fulfill a need I have. Lord knows, I do want those things but not in that order. I reiterate that this is the hand we've been dealt with and we need to do things on our own timeline. Nothing bad has happened and we gotta keep going in our own way, no on else's. We closed the subject and said goodnight.

I can tell he wants to do right by me and that he thinks carefully about our future life together. No matter what, I know this is going to be a great year for us. Even better than the last :)