Been contacted by two ex-"whatever you wanna call them" in the span of a few hours. Both kind of out of nowhere, but isn't that always how it goes? Nothing like this ever comes expected. Always out of left field.
Rob texted me after well over a year of silence. I had not heard from him since September 2012 and good riddance. I was tired of participating in his stupid "help me cheat on my girlfriend" reindeer games that left me feeling exhausted, unwanted and cheap. I deserved those feelings, yes. And he deserved to be rudely dismissed! I thought he hated me and was satisfied to never speak to me again.
But then this....
Me thinks he was sniffing around. Inevitably he asked how were things with me and I said fabulous. I told the truth because the truth is MARVELOUS. My life needs no embellishment. I have a great boyfriend. My career is good. I'm going to fucking Australia in a few weeks. It's all roses! I don't think he was expecting such an answer because he immediately retreated. He told me he and the girl he cheated on are still going at it, been living together for almost a year. His music-teacher career is going well and he's lost 70 lbs. Yeah, he even mentioned he was at the gym. OMG barf. After praising me on my success, he wished me well and cut the conversation short. And you know what, GOOD. Under no circumstances do I even want to talk to him unless I am smashing his face into how good I have it.
"I'm not trying to give my life meaning
by demeaning you
and I would like to state for the record
I did everything that I could do
I'm not saying that I'm a saint
I just don't want to live that way
no, I will never be a saint
but I will always say:
squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition..."
And then round two. Ryan. Oh yeahhhhh. That Ryan. The one and only.
Our conversations post-separation have been much more pleasant and we have remained distant allies. We never had a nasty "break up" or a Facebook unfriending. We just kinda went our separate ways with separate people. Of course, I was the one with the broken heart and he apparently had a broken spirit. Oh well. Whatever. We healed and were friendly on the internet. But today he decides to strike up a conversation and he finally admits he's dating someone, which I remember alluding to in a Facebook comment. Oh yeah cuz now I finally exist to him in FB-land...
It was so surreal having a conversation with him about our significant others. He tells me how whipped he is over her and how they've both lost "cool" points over one another, presumably because they dote on each other. I can tell he likes her. I see pictures of them on Instagram and they seem delighted. And I am so glad to see that. That's how I know I truly am over him. Seeing him with a new girl actually makes me smile.
I tell him about Jose and how much I love him, and none of that is weird. Ryan gets it and tells me he regrets being so wayward when we were together. This isn't the first time he's said this, but it's the first time I think I actually believe him. I thought maybe before it was just him feeling guilty or sad over breaking my heart. But now I think it's because it's so clear we have both moved on completely. It doesn't feel wrong. It feels like a real apology that I can now accept because my wounds are healed and he's out of my heart. No remorse. Just happy.
Hooray indeed.
Jose came over today and I was just reminded how good I have it. I have it all. We ate burgers from my favorite spot and watched a marathon of Girls, season 2. I love to hear him laugh. He laughs so hard! There was a point where I was talking about how I had switched to a new shampoo and he ran his fingers through my hair. He twirled a couple of strands and said: "If I have a girl, I hope she gets your hair."
I am so lucky. I feel it all around. :)
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