"I want the one I can't have....."

"And it's driving me mad...."

I found this picture on Facebook of Anthony with his uniform on and his military haircut...he looks adorable:



Yeah, I'm a total Facebook creeper now...full blown....

Here he is at the Marine Corps ball or whatever...this is where he said he took his new girlfriend as his date:



"It's written all over my face..."

She posted pictures of them together at Knotts Scary Farm...they looks so happy together...it's nice to see him smiling...I used to smile like that with Dan...now he won't even kiss me in public to our "supposed" song...



I see her and I see what could have been if I had just taken better care of myself, not ate so much junk food, exercised more and just...tried harder to be attractive...I feel and look fat...I used to be the girl that guys noticed...but not anymore...I seldom get checked out anymore and when I do, it's by creeps...

Dan and I went to a friends birthday celebration at this club in Downtown...getting Dan to dance is like pulling teeth, so I was happy he didn't refuse when the girls and I hit the dance floor...it was nice to get all dressed up, but I nearly died wearing high heels all night...it's the only way I can get my legs to look long and lean...my weight is fucking disgusting, so my feet got tired quickly...I could barely walk by the end of the night...never mind that I was bloated and on my period the entire time...I felt like a whale...a fat, uncoordinated whale...

When I used to go to clubs, guys would come up and just dance with me...going to a club with Dan pretty much stopped any cute guys from even looking at me...the only attention I got that night was walking around by myself near the bar trying to track down the rest of our party...some guy reached out and grabbed my hand...I was so distracted and taken aback, that I didn't even look backwards to see what he looked like...I hope he was at least cute.

I want to drop 70 lbs. If I ever do, watch out world...I'll reclaim my old life back.