Back from Boston with a renewed sense of being and a confidence that is unmatchable to any previous level I've ever had. This trip did wonders for me...if only vacation time wasn't so short...if only every day could be like this.
My travel buddy and best friend Caroline had the right attitude. She said to keep things fun and casual. We did just that. Our little weekend getaway to Boston was filled with guided tours, tasty food, good music and plenty of alcoholic drinks. I met her friends from Peace Corps and was delighted that one of them (a guy named Steve that goes by the nickname "Harvard") was a real cutie with a thick Boston accent. I thought to myself, "Okay so cute, fun, interesting, smart guys are everywhere. I can't get myself hung up on just one at a time."
Why don't I listen to myself?
After Caroline and I watched the Boston Red Sox narrowly defeat the Detroit Tigers at Fenway Park, I casually dropped Alfonso a text letting him know we'd be available after the game to get some drinks. I had been rather aloof with him the entire time leading up to the trip. Can you blame me?
So let's step back a few years here: I had at one time harbored a teenage crush on Alfonso back in high school but it was quickly extinguished when Dan snatched me up and asked me to be his girlfriend that first time so many years ago. Also, did I mention Dan and Alfonso were old friends? I had even asked Dan at one point if it was a good idea to pursue a relationship with Alfonso. Dan, I think, said something like "Yeah, I guess go for it." But I never did. I quickly forgot that little crush as I enveloped myself in the new fun experiences of having a steady boyfriend. Over the years, I made a few references to that silly girlhood crush to Dan and we made several jokes about it. I kept a pretty good attitude about Alfonso, despite knowing that he had hooked up with Dan's ex-girlfriend Lupe in Boston only days before she and Dan got together for the first time in 2004. So yes, these two boys are not only buddies but also like to run with the same girls. Dan had even told Alfonso about my embarrassing crush on him. It would seem to me that Alfonso was good at getting girls' attention but Dan was even better at roping them up as girlfriends. I can't say Lupe and I maintain a similar friendly relationship. I had several heated words with her over the years and she is NOT my friend. I don't hate the girl, but I dislike her strongly. She basically stole Dan away from me in 2004 as our first relationship was breaking down. That time hurt me greatly and I cried until I felt sick. And then I find out she's hooking up with an old crush of mine right before she takes away my boyfriend. Fuck her. In the ass.
So this explains why I keep myself at a distance with Alfonso. He was first and foremost Dan's good friend and I didn't want to mess with that. When Dan and I had first mentioned we wanted to visit Boston together, Alfonso offered his apartment up to us immediately. And now it was just me....and did he remember that crush?...would it matter that I was now broken up from his good friend?...why be so nice to me still?...
I explained this all to Caroline. It was a good sign that despite all the history between the four of us, Alfonso was still showing an immense amount of generosity and positive attitude about my visit. He seemed to be making a great effort to see me and returning all my texts in a timely manner. He had matured into a very handsome young man with a level-headed attitude to go along. And so no matter how indifferent I might have before this whole trip started, I was rendered powerless when I finally saw him on Saturday night. Drat.
We met at the Prudential Center mall at our friend Janice's work. Caroline and Janice kept themselves busy at the Body Shop counter while Alfonso and I sat a nearby bench and caught up on where we were in life. I felt so bad because he was feeling under the weather and it was apparent in the way he would stop to cough or when his voice would break because of his sore throat. He had missed the first bus to come see me and was now a bit sweaty. I kept apologizing for asking to see him but he didn't care. He would just smile and I could see the boy he had once been in high school. You never forget the eyes, the way they light up when someone's happy. His eyes are infinitely brown and a little sleepy. And he speaks in a very slow, deliberate manner. He doesn't laugh out loud, just chuckles softly under his breath. He makes you feel at ease. And believe me, I appreciated it. How the fuck was I going to move the conversation from what we both do for a living to "Hey wanna sleep with me?" I couldn't make the move now anyway, I was going to have to see him the next day since Caroline and I had made plans to hang out with him and then crash at his place before we flew back home. Ughhh...and it also didn't help that Alfonso is the most UNREADABLE guy ever. I couldn't tell if he was flirting with me or just being very friendly. My position as the hunter had greatly shrank. Now that I was faced with my prey, I was getting flustered and nervous. FUCK. Maybe alcohol would help? And so under Alfonso's suggestion, we hit up a couple of bars nearby. I got brazen enough to take a picture of he and I before we headed out to drink:
I had my usual White Russian while the others downed some beers. Alcohol improved my game somewhat and I found myself even more at ease with him, lightly flirting here and there. Alfonso was probably the most intimidating conquest of all time, but mostly because I knew there was a very interesting history between us which neither one of us acknowledged. When we talked about Dan, we didn't mention him by name. It was a little weird but by the end of the night, I decided I liked Alfonso more now at 26 then I did at 17. I didn't want him to just be collateral damage in my drunken sex spree anymore. I wanted him to be an achievement, a conquest worthy of praise....I wanted him to be the ultimate goal. I said good night to him at the stairs of the train station. We shook hands, presumably to keep his cold germs away from me, but I pulled him close anyway and kissed him sweetly on the cheek. It was on.
I tried to concentrate on other things as Caroline and I went out the next day sight seeing. But he was on my mind intermittently through out the afternoon. I couldn't wait until the evening when we'd be dropping off our things at his apartment to spend the night together. It was a pain in the ass carrying all my luggage on the train as we made our way over to his home in Jamaica Plain. But suddenly all that anger melted away when I saw him walk over to meet us. I caught sight of him about a block away as he paused to let a car go by. My breath caught in my lungs. I said to Caroline, "God...he's just so cute." She laughed and shook her head. He wore a black T-shirt with a picture of a street sign from our old neighborhood in East Los Angeles. I told him I liked his shirt. He smiled and looked down at his shirt, almost as if he didn't remember he was wearing it. Oh, it's definitely on now.
We dropped our bags off and joined Alfonso on his balcony with two well-deserved cups of water. A cool, refreshing breeze rushed in as the three of us talked about work, school, friends and family. I had a long night ahead of me and so I prepared myself by reserving my energy. I let Caroline do a lot of the talking as I stood there across from Alfonso with my sunglasses on. I studied his face, his mannerisms, how easy it was for him to maneuver between talking to two different girls. We made plans to meet Janice near her work for dinner. Time to get this plan in gear.
The girls were very helpful in convincing Alfonso to take me alone and show me around Haymarket Square as they stayed behind and walked somewhere else. He agreed with some confusion but quickly took the lead and was a great impromptu tour guide. I loved how calm and sure he was of himself. He told me everything about himself, how hard it was to move here alone as an undergraduate and be away from his family 3,000 miles away. He told me how much he loved Boston and all the history behind it. He even went into detail about his work, how he had received his Psychology degree from Northeastern University and was now a Mental Health Associate at Arbour Hospital. The compassion he shows to his patients is actually very admirable. This is bad. Alfonso doesn't feel like an acquaintance anymore. He has real human emotions and I can't cut that away. He has deep feelings for what he does and that makes me like him more.
We stood there in front of Boston Harbor as a chilly breeze swept past us. "Are you hungry?" he asks as I pull my hair into a ponytail. I nod, "Yeah, food would be great. I need my strength." If only he knew what I was talking about.
We wade through the hundreds of people crowding Boston's Little Italy section as the Festival for Saint Agrippina goes on. There's music, carnival rides and tasty food. We wind up at an Italian restaurant and get a pizza. I decide this is the time to move things up. So between slices of pizza and sips of Coke, we start talking about relationships. And the subject of both Dan and Lupe come up. He tells me that Lupe made out with him and came to visit once but then stopped calling him quickly after. I tell him how disappointing my second relationship with Dan was and how we fell out of love. I decide to refresh his memory and ask if he remembers that I once had a crush on him. He smiles before pausing to laugh and nods. "Yes, I remember." And so I get very, very brave and look him right into his dark eyes, "I mean, I still like you now...." My voice trails off as I watch him process the information. He gets a little bashful and his face gets red. I can't stop now and my words start to pour out of me like rushing water, like I need to get them out of me, like I'm trying to exorcise a demon, a devil that's been inside of me for 8 years now. I tell him EVERYTHING. How my friends are trying to set us up by giving us alone time, how I'm trying to meet guys and have fun, how I like the person he is now, the man he is today. I tell him that Caroline is planning on sleeping on his couch because she wants me to wind up in bed with him tonight. His face floods with a look of utter and total surprise but he keeps listening intently. I tell him I didn't know how he'd feel about it, that if he'd actually go for it given our past histories. He stops me and says it all sounds great to him, "Let's see where the night takes us." I instantly smile and give a sigh of relief, "Yes. And remember: alcohol is our friend." We both laugh and grab the rest of our pizza to go.
We walk around the windy streets of Boston and stop at a park between Hanover and Haymarket Square. It's dark now and the city lights from the surrounding buildings sparkle nicely around us. We talk about how we feel about each other and how so much time has passed. He looks at me and confesses that he used to have a crush on me, "I used to like you, too...and I like you now." I feel my heart swell and a wonderful rush of happiness fills me up. With an arched eyebrow of concern he asks what happens next, after we hook up. I shrug and tell him we will have to see. We live on opposite coasts of the country...besides we barely know each other. I speak up and say, "Well, I think we did things a little bit backwards here....but I've got your e-mail and we know how to contact each other. I think we should get to know each other more." He agrees just as Janice and Caroline walk up behind us. We walk back to the train station and say goodbye to Janice before leaving on a separate train that takes us back to Jamaica Plain.
At the apartment we decide to pre-game a little before heading to the bar for one last drink. I swallow two shots of Jimador tequila and the other two have a couple of beers. We talk about movies (my favorite subject) and watch the beginning of Quentin Tarantino's "Inglourious Basterds." I hate Tarantino and defend my position that he's a total hack. I think at one point I said he's so self-indulgent he practically ejaculates all over the film reel. That was mostly the tequila talking. Alfonso had a good laugh over it though.
We wind up at the Behan, a bar that strangely allows dogs inside of it. I have a Cape Codder while Alfonso and Caroline stick to beer. We grab a table and share a few stories as people with dogs file past us. I get brave again and take one more picture with Alfonso. I love that he puts his arm around me without hesitation:
We go back home around 1 a.m. and Caroline gets ready for bed on the couch. Alfonso takes a long while in the bathroom. Caroline teases me that he's getting ready for me. I giggle and try not to think about it. Finally he comes out and Caroline rushes to the bathroom because the 4 beers she's had have finally caught up with her. I join Alfonso on his bed and we talk about music. I sit seductively next to him and it's now painfully apparent that we're flirting. He's no longer unreadable. He keeps a steady posture as he sits on the edge of his bed, asking me what other bands I like. I am the opposite, laying back on his bed on his bed to laugh when he makes a joke. I am not steady, I am not stoic. I am a bundle of nerves let loose on alcohol and sexual desire. I am silly. I am open for him. Caroline exits the bathroom and I tell him I need to take a shower. FUCK YES IT'S ON.
I stumble in the darkness clad in only a towel after my shower. Caroline is already fast asleep and I can barely see the light coming from Alfonso's room because his door is closed. I make it safely back and get ready for bed. He sits up in bed, watching me as I get dressed in shorts and a loose fitting T-shirt. We both know how useless this is but I still turn my back to him as I pull my shirt over my head. I comb my hair and dry it off as much as possible before crawling into bed with him. He turns off the light and I look at the time: it's nearly 2 a.m. I have to be awake in TWO hours. I tell him this is going to turn into an all nighter. "It doesn't necessarily have to be" he says softly in the darkness. I face him, "I wouldn't mind if it did." And then all the tension and build up of the night is over. He kisses me in the dark and his face feels so warm and comforting. So damn good.
We spend the next two hours rolling around in bed, kissing, licking, touching, exploring each other like two blind lovers. It's pitch black in his room and I can't always see his face. I kinda like that feeling of not knowing. Though it does cause us to bump teeth a few times and I smacked my elbow not once but twice on his nightstand. I'm surprised he's a giver and makes me come twice with his fingers before giving me oral sex for a long while. Guys his age (at least the ones I've met) HATE doing that. But he insists he likes making girls come, so I happily let him go to work on me until I'm trembling uncontrollably. I feel like a puddle of sweat and sex. I don't want to quit, so I beg him to let me suck his dick. He's not circumcised (what a shock) and his erection is a little soft, which he blames on the cold medication and beer. I shrug and work him for several minutes at a time. I can hear him moaning "Almost...almost..." but he never does come. I'm also finding it very hard to stay wet with him. *sigh*
We move to fucking and even with my legs over his shoulders, he still can't finish. He's kind of a lousy lay and can't seem to keep a good rhythm while he's thrusting. I also let him use his own condom and I'm not sure if that's the reason I can't feel his dick moving around inside of me or what. Also, he's sick and that's probably messing with his body. We're both dripping in sweat and I feel a few drops of his hit me on the face. I get on top and work my hips to try and make him come but it doesn't work. He likes it very much but I can scarcely feel if he's still inside of me. We stick to exploring my body and he spoons me while he strokes my breasts and talks dirty in my ear. He says he doesn't know what to say but he finds a few choice words, especially telling me that my pussy feels velvety soft. I try not to laugh but my giggle comes out anyway. I tell him I like to be spanked and that causes him to give me half a dozen sound spanks on my thighs and ass. I hear myself choke out a few loud cries of pleasure which then make me cover my mouth for fear Caroline might hear me. It all ends when he slips a couple of fingers inside me and works me from the inside until I'm sobbing his name over and over again. I have never felt like that before and I wonder if he found my G-spot accidentally...or maybe he knows exactly what he's doing. Hmmmm.
We get dressed again and lay in bed, talking. Alfonso might have been kinda crappy in the sack but he knows how to bring on the pillow talk. He tells me I'm amazing, fun to be around, gorgeous, intelligent and kind. That any guy with half a brain should realize that. He tells me maybe I'm intimidating to other guys but I should not pay attention to those assholes and go out there and live the life I want. He's very inspiring actually and make me remember the person I was before I started to doubt myself. He finishes every thought with a kiss on the lips. I tell him that he's worth waiting for...that he shouldn't feel weird when a girl likes him because he's smart, funny, gentle and a true friend. He tells me not to stroke his ego but I laugh softly and tell him it's the truth. I kiss his shoulder, neck and ear and tell him this is my favorite part. We vow to stay in contact through e-mail and see where this will take us. I look at the clock, it's almost 4 a.m. My alarm goes off and I know I have to get ready to drive to the airport. And just like that, the bubble's burst, the fantasy is over and I've woken up from my sexy dream. Back to reality.
We load our bags into the taxi cab and Caroline says goodbye to Alfonso first. I wait until she gets into the cab before hugging Alfonso tightly and kissing him like I'm about to walk into a sinking ship. We both talk over each other in between kisses, telling each other not to forget the talk we just had upstairs in bed. That we're both great people and we need to be confidant that things will fall into place for us. Life will turn out okay. We kiss and kiss and then I pull away and get into the cab, not before telling him "Thank you" one last time. I meant thank you for everything.
The next few hours are a daze. I sleep somewhat uncomfortably on the plane, wishing I was still laying in Alfonso's soft double mattress. I wake up on and off, wondering if I had dreamt all the things he had said in my ear. I arrive in Los Angeles exhausted and missing Alfonso, or at least just the feel of him around me. I shoot him a text:
me: Just landed in L.A. Thank you for being a trooper and meeting up. Never forget what I said. You are very special to me, hope to see you again.I know he's at work so I don't expect a quick reply. I arrive in Whittier and take a well-deserved series of naps. I hear my phone chirp with a text:
Alfonso: Just finished a long day. Glad to hear you make it okay. Don't forget what I told you. You've got everything going for you :) ttul I like the "talk to you later" tag there at the end. It lets me know he's not bullshitting me about staying in contact. Like I had said to him when we laid in bed together, we can't go backwards now. Just forward.
Wouldn't it be funny if the one guy I was so indifferent to would actually stick around and be with me in a greater capacity? I'd laugh myself to death.
