My weekend with Paul was….well….I think it would better be explained in a Skype conversation I had with my best friend Caroline this afternoon:
me: so my trip to Berkeley was a bit eye opening
Caroline: nice! I want to hear all about it
me: Paul is so not the boy I once knew...lol
Caroline: lol
me: well, I’ll be brief. I won’t be posting this stuff on FB or LJ....I wanted you to get the low-down
Caroline: lol
me: he's in an open relationship with a 33 year old woman who is a bartender
me: and she encouraged him to bone me
Caroline: Oh. My. God.
me: He explained to me his like "rules" in their relationship
me: and apparently he has to ask "permission" to fuck other girls
me: and he is not as straight as he once was...he finds men sexually attractive
me: oh and his girlfriend is bi...like full on bi-sexual
Caroline: wow. So was she hoping for a threesome?
me: he said and I quote: "it's too bad you don’t like girls because I think you'd really like Susan."
me: she was out of town at some trade convention, thank God. He wanted me to meet her
Caroline: geez
me: I was a little shocked to say the least. When I met him and started our relationship, he was a very shy awkward boy, virgin and a bit religious...I took his V-card remember?
me: and now look at him...lol....Jesus Christ.
me: at least he's gotten better in bed. Much better.
Caroline: hahahaha
Caroline: so you went for it?
me: yeah....lol. I wanted to see if he had improved
Caroline: too funny
me: it was....wow...eye opening. Thank God I’m no longer interested in him besides being friends and a little hook up now and then
me: I can't be with a guy in an open relationship
Caroline: no kidding. Very strange.
So there you have it. The weekend in Berkeley was very lovely, besides the odd revelations from my ex-boyfriend. Paul and I got to hang out and do nothing, something we both enjoyed. We shared a bottle of Jimador tequila and did nothing but watch Torchwood and take shots with ginger ale as a chaser.
The sex was fun and I got to pick the soundtrack (Deftones! Ahhhh!). Like I mentioned above, he has gotten better at intercourse…..maybe a tad scarier. He loves going down on me now and would not stop making me come with his fingers and mouth. He was incredibly relentless and my pleas for him to stop and let me rest fell upon deaf ears. At one point, he had squeezed a couple of fingers inside of me and was savagely fucking the living daylights out of me and I thought, “Dear God….this is how I’m to die.” I don’t think I’ve ever been terrified during a sexual encounter….but there’s always a first time for everything.
I prefer actually fucking (you know, good old penis in vagina) and when we finally did get to do it, he wasn’t very good. He’s a little too tall for me, I’ve realized. Maybe I failed to acknowledge it back in college? But his shoulder blade kept slamming into my face and he couldn’t keep a good rhythm. I tried hoisting my legs over his shoulders to try and intensify the fucking but he quickly slipped out. Oh well! I got mine at least a dozen times over the weekend. He’s certainly been practicing. It just grosses me out to think he does it on some older cougar type. Ewwww.
It was very pleasant to go out with Paul, no strings attached. We went to the movies, had dinner at some of our favorite restaurants, visited friends and wandered Telegraph Avenue. We would walk the freezing cold streets, side by side with me always walking a little faster to keep up with his long strides. There would be times where we wouldn’t even speak, just walk in silence. I don’t know, but I found that very comforting.
We spent the better part of our nights and mornings lying on his futon mattress on the floor of his apartment, just talking (when we weren’t furiously fucking the crap out of one another). We had some pretty stellar conversations, one of which included what we wanted to do in life. And when we weren’t getting philosophical with one another, we talked about (what else?) the special people in our lives. He told me his girlfriend Susan is a twice divorced, childless bartender with huge knockers and red hair. Naturally, I Facebooked her picture later on and grossed myself off. She’s old. Too old. But whatever, I’m just glad he’s happy. He seems to really like her and I found it endearing that he went and checked on her cat in Oakland while I was in the shower. I still think they’re kind of creepy but thankfully, they are not my problem. The topic then switched over to my second-time-around crush on Alfonso and I told Paul as much as I could, how I find Alfonso to be very witty, erudite, sweet and devastatingly cute. Paul told me to go for it and made mention several times over the weekend that I should pursue this boy outright and move to Boston, simply for the reason that I have never been one to balk at a risk. I think I used to be a ballsier person 4 years ago……I should reclaim that old part of myself. We shall see.
This trip really tied up some loose strings in my mind and in my heart about Paul. I have confirmation that I no longer have any feelings for him, except as a friend and though I will always find him attractive, we are not on the same terms anymore. We lead very different sexual lives and I don’t think there’s any point reconciling them. I will always want more and I think he will always want less, as far as commitment goes. Besides, I really like someone else, in case you couldn’t tell. :) Here are some cute pictures we took at our favorite pizza place:
A less dark Paul:
I like this one he took of me:
I told him that I really liked it because he made me look so pretty. His response was: "Well, that's because you really are so pretty."
Awwww. Still over him, though. LOL!!
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