I was hoping with all the force in my weakened and punctured heart that Alfonso would be different. He seemed sincere back in Boston when he agreed to stay in contact with me as a means of getting to know each other better. So besides liking my status on FB concerning my whirlwind trip to Boston, we didn’t communicate. A week after the trip, I decided to honor my promise and catch up with him via e-mail, which he stated was the best way of contacting him.
A whole week came and went with no reply. Let me rephrase that: a chest crushing week came and went with no reply. I started to wonder how long it takes a guy to answer a simple e-mail. I got sick this past weekend and under the heavy influence of over the counter pharmaceuticals, I decided to suck up my dripping snot and call this boy. I made up my mind that he had completely ignored my e-mail and now I was (literally) sick and tired of waiting for his reply. In my impatient rationale, his complete lack of regard for my message was akin to fucking a girl and never returning her calls. HOW DARE HE!?!
So I called him. He didn’t answer (SURPRISE!). I swooned at the sound of his deep voice asking me to leave my name and number after the beep. I composed myself and left a nice voice mail asking how he’s doing, etc. I didn’t make a mention of my pathetic e-mail which now when I re-read it, made me cringe.
I filled the void of desperation and waiting by checking in with the other candidates. I sent Paul a text:
Me: Five more days till I visit!
Pau: Yay! I’m looking forward to it….
Me: I will call you this week to iron out the details. Can’t wait!
Also, there was the matter of Edgar making his presence be known. He and I had been in somewhat regular contact on FB chat, talking about his descent into law school this week. Then on Sunday morning I see I have a voicemail from him:
Hello Mrs.[my last name] or actually I should say Miss [my last name]. Just calling to say what’s up. Haven’t spoken to you in what seems like forever. Gimme a call back if you want. I might be a little busy for the next couple of - well, I should say the next three years but no, just gimme a call back, alright? Later.
I smiled. I waited until the afternoon to give him a call back. He answered and we exchanged hellos before he abruptly tells me this is a bad time and if can call me back in the evening. I say that’s fine and don’t feel shocked at all when he completely blows me off and never calls. I distract myself with dinner and the Roast of David Hasselhoff when I get a text from Alfonso.
Shit Shit SHIT SHIT. I get a flash back of us kissing like two drowning lovers. Oh fuck, I’m lost lost lost…
Alfonso: Sorry I missed your call. I was doing laundry and then had to go to a friend’s party. I’m still writing you a reply to your e-mail. I saw your FB status saying you’re sick. Sorry.
Now I feel like a rat bastard. Did I seem needy? Did I force his hand?
I tell my stupid paranoid mind to stop making excuses and just be positive. Just enjoy this good thing!!!!! I fire back a response after a few minutes.
Me: I’m like eleven shades of awkward and on two kinds of cold medicine. :P Thanks for being cool about it. Have a good night.
I breathe and am happy now. I can’t wait to see what finely crafted e-mail Alfonso will have waiting for me. I’m also delighted to see he that he’s not done with the conversation:
Alfonso: Tylenol and Sudafed and sometimes sleep aides, that’s all you need. The sequence for me was sore throat, queasiness, headache. Lasts a week. What doesn’t kill you….!
....only makes you stronger, I reply in my head....
Me: I wonder what the incubation period is for whatever you had….I might’ve started my own strain here. Haha!
So I won’t sweat it. I will remind myself to be normal. I will tell myself to just understand that guys will be guys and they don’t always get back to you as fast as you’d like. I have to teach myself not to assume it’s the end of the world and that maybe Alfonso is not like the rest. It seems like he's considerate enough, for a guy his age. He’s already surprising me. Let’s hope the trend continues.
One significant thing he said to me that has stuck out like a knife is "You're free now." I gotta start acting like it. But why does my heart only want to be locked up and swept away? Why do I want to fly back to Boston, appear on his door step and fall into his arms? I’m free now but I’d trade it back to just belong to him (or whoever!)....(sigh sigh)
As I get more hope, I get more hopeless. Maybe that’s just who I am.
Here's a picture Caroline took of me and him on the subway train. Not my most photogenic...yuck. I look all sweaty and awkward.
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