In my earlier entries I had casually mentioned how Rob, this guy I dated a few years ago, has been fond of liking my Facebook pictures. But not just any pictures, particular pictures where I look nice or am dressed up. Sometimes he even goes as far as to leave a nice compliment or an encouraging word. He's been doing this for a long time now, so I don't think much of it. I especially brush it off since I know he's happily in a relationship with some weird chick named Sunny.
Then out of left field, I get the following message on FB:
hey [...]!
hey lady...just realized i dont have your number anymore...can i get it? dont know if you have mine..
I sat there at my computer....blinked a few times...stared at the screen...checked to make sure it was Rob who had written that and not anyone else....nope, it's Rob, for sure...I had to reply, out of courtesy:
Rob!! Hello! Of course, my number is [...], I'll shoot you a text. I just checked and yes I still have yours! Hope you are well. We should hang out some time, it's been a while. Take it easy.
And thus began the longest, most detailed text conversation of my life. This went on for nearly two-hours...
Me: Rob, this is [...]. I see u still have the same number. See ya!
Rob: Haha. Yes I do. I just lost yours over the years. Hope you're doing well. We should get coffee one day.
Me: Yeah, I've changed it a couple of times over the years, haha....I'm doing peachy keen. Let me know what days work best for u and we can grab a coffee.
Rob:I love when life is peachy keen. Haha :) I can't remember the last time we hung out. Maybe the last time you were in Whittier. I teach a lot during the day but my nights are free. And my weekends after two. I work early weekends. Ugh!
Me: Yeah, it's been like 4 or 5 years at least....well, there's no time like the present: how's tomorrow night sound? My weekends are always busy. Ugh.
Rob: Damn, I'm busy tomorrow. Yea my weekends are always busy too. Do you still live off of Beverly? We can plan something for a later date. Or I can meet you at a bar or something like half ways? Would that be something that you'd be into?
Me: I actually live in East LA now! Meeting in Whittier would be fine, I know the area. How's Thursday look? Name a bar and I'll be there.
Rob: I like your enthusiasm! Haha. I'll let you know. I have band practice that night but I think I can postpone it for an old friend :) I wouldn't mind hanging in East LA as well. I know that area really well. Whichever is easier for you. I hope you don't work the next day. I remember we would hang out and throw back drink after drink, hah.
Me: It's Friday the next day...everyone expects me to be hungover, haha. So yeah let me know about Thursday. We can meet at the 6740 Bar on Greenleaf in Whittier.
Rob: Cool. I'll give you a text during the week. I'm just glad I got your number back. Hopefully we can set it up.
Me: My enthusiasm comes from people saying they wanna hang out...and we never do. I'm kinda a "mean what I say" person.
Rob: I totally understand. I've been working a lot more so my time is becoming more and more scarce...I like the money. But I think I need a vacation or at least like two days off. Ha. I do private lesson now on the weekends, so I'm basically working seven day weeks. Ahh!
Me: Oooh...yeah. I know a guy who does that, too....sometimes its good to unplug and save some time for yourself. Keep your sanity.
Rob: What's little that's left. Hehe. You know what I remember...we only hung out like a handful of times huh? I was shocked when you said it had been like four years. They were good times though! I actually practice in LA, so if Thursday doesn't work out we'll be able to set something up cause I'm down there so much.
Me: Awesome. Those were great times!! You're one of those people I could always have a good chat with over drinks...I think it's cuz you know good music!!
Rob: It's true! I like our conversations. You were a great listener and at the same time a great talker. A very rare combo...and you were pretty! What a bonus! Haha. I'm sorry if that was inappropriate...I remembered you said you were living with someone right?
Me: No not inappropriate at all...honesty is appreciated. You've always been a handsome chap yourself. I actually live alone with my mom. Single, as it would be.
Rob: I like to think of myself as a handsome chap. Thank you. I'm dating someone. Maybe that's why I thought it was inappropriate. Ha. But you're an old friend who I haven't seen in so long so I wanna hang out and get drinks like old times. I hope you're still cool with that.
Me: Absolutely. Friendships this genuine are much too rare. Looking forward to reminiscing about the old times and talking about the new times.
Rob: :)
Holy shit bricks....my fingers were aching by the time this was all over. A phone call would have sufficed...but oh well...
I really don't know what to think about this...from the start, it sounded like he wanted to ask me out...you can really get a taste for who Rob truly is through this dense chat...he's always been a very chivalrous, conscientious, sympathetic guy. Out of all the guys I've fucked around with, he's definitely one of the sweetest and most sincere. He responds very well to me and if it weren't for the fact that he has a girlfriend, I'd swear he was courting me like in olden days....(sigh)...I can't help but think he's reaching out because he's troubled and looking for a fresh perspective.
The last time we hung out (like really hung out) was back in 2007. It was a situation very much like this one. My relationship with asshole boyfriend extraordinaire Alberto was crumbling before my eyes. Rob calls me out of the blue, wanting to hang out. He's very insistent and I give in. We meet at a dumpy bar in La Mirada and proceed to get pretty hammered. We start talking about significant others (Rob at this time, I believe, was single-ish) and I begin sobbing. I poured my little aching heart out to him. I'll always remember the look of rage in Rob's eyes as I told him all the horrible, mean, stupid things Alberto had done and said to me...he could sense how hurt I was and angrily sputtered: "You don't need that guy! He's an asshole...you NEED to get out that relationship!" My eyes welled with tears as I realized he was absolutely right. All of my girlfriends had been telling me that same thing for weeks, but it wasn't till Rob said it in plain and simple guy terms, that I finally understood. The night ended back at Rob's place with a sloppy, drunken hook-up riddled with shame, embarrassment and remorse....oh, and me driving home slightly buzzed. I knew that Rob would never look at me the same way again. We never spoke about it.
I don't know if he remembers all that....I mean, he must? How could you forget?
If his intentions are to have a repeat of 2007, then I hope for his and his girlfriend's sake he just cancels on me. I don't think I can aid and abet in some cheating.
On the other hand, if his intentions are to revisit our friendship and really, truly be pals....then I guess that's fine. But I will say this: it is baloney for guys and girls to be friends. I don't believe our genders can keep up a platonic friendship for too long before it turns into something more....someone always wants more....and usually, that someone is me.
This long-winded text conversation was good for my soul. I had been feeling pretty maudlin the last couple of weeks. To engage in such a nice, upbeat chat gives me hope that there has to be someone similar (or better!) than Rob out there....those type of boys exist right? I miss feeling special, I miss having someone remember good thoughts about me, to want to initiate contact and spend time with me. I miss feeling wanted by a guy. And I don't meant lusted after or desired sexually.....no, I miss someone striking up a good conversation and connecting with me on a personal level. Nowadays, manners and politeness amongst guys my age is vastly non-existent. Guys like Rob are rare.
Seemingly one would think he and I would be meant for one another...I can't deny that we had a good thing 5 or 6 years ago....but what we never got, what we could never figure out, what we always ran out of was time. Quite simply, we were on different levels and the timing was never right. I was right, smack-dab in the middle of my college life. Rob was working part-time in LA while going to school and I was 300 miles way in Berkeley, figuring out what alcohol I wanted to chug next. We went on some epic dates while I was home on break, but it was never enough to carry on through the school year. We never made it past those epic dates. He's also a couple of years younger and believe me, it made a difference. Rob never had money on him and I felt annoyed at having to cover the bill or beg him to scrape together gas money to drive down the street to see me. It was ridiculous...so eventually our romance petered out. He found girls his age, closer to home and I engaged in a handful of quests for true love. We met up one last time on that fateful spring night in 2007 and never hung out again. I didn't see him until last summer, when his band performed at a skeevy dive in Downey. Remember?
Ah yes, and the weird jealousy. I forgot about that! Rob is very friendly...especially with females, as you can tell. He's been in a few local bands and garners a lot of attention as the lead guitarist. My protective instincts would be flying through the roof if I ever were to get involved with him again. He's kinda made me wary of dating a musician again. I can only imagine how his actual girlfriend feels...would I trust someone like me around him? I honestly don't know.
I never know what I'm capable of until the moment arrives. Will I be able to separate "Rob my buddy" from "Rob the old flame"? I hope so. Though it is really easy to reminisce and remember all those sweaty moments inside his car. It's so easy to transport to that silly summer romance. I close my eyes and in an instant I'm back on my old street in Whittier, standing on my tip-toes...kissing his sweet mouth, feeling the scratchy traces of his beard on my cheeks. The sunshine feels warm on my long, black hair. I can taste beer on his tongue. I'm wearing capri pants and Converse tennis shoes. He grips my waist and pulls me closer. I giggle and pull away, as he looks down at me smiling. I caress his arm and admire his tattoo. He lifts my chin and kisses me hard. And I'm floating again, lost in the hot summer sun. Why did it all have to end?
I've got about a dozen more memories just like that...something tells me I'm going to make a lousy friend. I just can't stop living in the past.
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