Pretty sure Rob wasn't kidding about getting together...Tuesday afternoon we started that same old text and dance:
Rob: Hey [...]. So it looks like I am gonna practice on Thursday night. I'm sorry. As soon as I get some days off you'll be the first person I call. I might be in LA tonight but I'll be busy till around 11. Didn't know if you worked early otherwise I'd give you a call.
I scoffed. Is he trying to throw every roadblock in my way for this to not happen? I called his bluff knowing full well there was no way in HELL I would get away with sneaking out of my house so late at night:
Me: Hey yeah...I'm around. Gimme a call and where u want me to meet u. Heads up, I live near Indiana and Whittier.
For the rest of the night I did exactly what I didn't want to do. I laid in bed, aimlessly watching bad reality television....agonizing over whether or not I really wanted to see him. What kind of excuse could I use without sounding completely crazy? I live in a tiny little house with my mom, it is nearly impossible to escape without waking her up. He's not worth risk or the grief of having my mom wonder where I went off to in the middle of the night. Ughhh....
Eleven o'clock rolls around and I crawl into bed, exhausted. Fuck him...he's not even going to call.
I fall into a dreamless sleep that I am jolted out of suddenly. Don't you hate that feeling? The sheer emotion of panic? I lift my face off my pillow and sleepily grab my phone. Oh God...
Rob: Hey lady. What you up to?
Ughhhh...really? Now?!? It is 12:30 in the fucking morning!!! Right as I try to formulate a good answer, I hear my mom sleep-talking in the next room. She often has nightmares when she falls asleep face up. It's my duty to go wake her up....I also take the time to use the bathroom. Once I get back in bed, I resolve to not see him. He has to wait.
Me: Sleeping. Don't I sound cool?? Uhh....I was exhausted. Shall we try some time later? Like...at an earlier, decent hour? Haha...next time ur free...
Rob: Of course. Probably not safe to meet up so late when I'm kinda buzzed....Sleep well. See you soon.
Me: Sorry for being a lame ass....but I hope you'll keep ur word and make me ur first call the next time ur free...promise I'll be awake...haha...
Rob: Haha. I'll wake you up myself if you're asleep. It's good to be talking to you again. We would've had fun tonight but yeah, I can wait :) and you'll be the first person I'll call when I get time...It'll be my first day off. Haha. We better have fun!
Me: Excellent....just make sure we meet before 9 pm. I do my best thinking then....my best drinking happens around 11. Goodnight Rob. I'll be waiting...
Rob: Goodnight [...] I really like your, "I'm waiting" comment...sleep well.
Great. Now I'm stuck where I usually am: just sitting around, waiting for a guy to call me. I'm left wondering, wishing, hoping. I feel like I'm walking around the world unaware of a giant anvil hanging over my head, that can drop at any moment. Am I gonna stop everything just go see him? Probably....which frustrates me to no end. I really wanted to get the upper hand on this and not be the one left hanging on a hook....just waiting.
His texts have a mild tinge of flirtation...or maybe I'm reading too much into them? But that hasn't stopped me from admiring them over and over...savoring them like modern-day, digital love letters. His coquettish texts remind me of the ones I used to send Edgar right before we'd get together and I would cheat on Dan. I can't help but think of Rob's girlfriend....does she know what her man is up to? As I said earlier, I don't know if I would trust someone like me. Even I don't trust myself.
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