Make me dance, I want to surrender...

Huh. I think...I think something happened. And I'm not quite sure what. And I think I enjoyed it. And I'm pretty darn sure I want it to happen again.

There's this guy...

Heh. It's always a guy, right? Well, it'd have to be right? If it wasn't, there wouldn't be a blog to speak of. If it wasn't a guy, you wouldn't be reading this.

But yes, there's this guy I know. His name is David. I wouldn't know exactly how to explain the way I know him but here goes. A few years ago, probably as I was fresh out of graduating from college, we became Facebook friends, even though I don't really remember meeting him in school. He was a Cal grad, of course but a couple of years ahead of me. He was the president of our Arts & Media Club and a fellow Film major. Even though I don't recall speaking to him during my years at the university, we became fast friends online and over the years kept in contact, sharing YouTube videos of our favorite musicians (he's a rabid Smiths/Morrissey fan, too) and it became kind of our inside joke that I'd “like” every single 80s/new wave video he'd post, especially if it was the Smiths. We shared battle stories from inside the pit at Bad Religion shows and bonded over our favorite films. Our friendship evolved so much that he invited me to hang out with him while we both still lived in Whittier. I always politely declined, for whatever reason. As a sign of good will, I invited him to interview at my work when were looking for a new Administrative Coordinator. I knew he'd never get hired (the owner is a bit old-fashioned and would never hire a man for a front office desk job) but David was grateful nonetheless. I still remember the day he interviewed. It was the first time I had seen him since college and though he looked vaguely familiar, I felt like I was meeting him for the first time. I liked his personality and he seemed like a very organized, ambitious guy but I was not attracted in the least. He looked way too business-like, overweight and nervous. That was two years ago.

Recently he and I were bonding more online, more than usual and making false-starts to hang out. It was always me nicely rejecting him or having a good excuse. It's not that I didn't want to hang out, it's just I was always in the middle of doing something else. In fact, a couple of months ago David asked me to go see a band his buddy was in, but I was out doing stupid shit with Dan. I actually called David to excuse myself and felt kinda sad I couldn't go. Over the next few weeks we made plans to have lunch since I worked in the same area he was now living in, but it never worked out.

Not until last week. I get a Facebook message from David asking me out to lunch AGAIN, with no concrete time or place. I'm like, “Does he not get the hint? ” But I stopped myself. This is getting ridiculous. He's a nice dude, he's always asking me out and I'm always turning him down. Just do it. It'll be nice. That's what friends do, they have lunch. It's not like a real date or anything. So I went for it. I said sure and threw down a time and date. After a couple of rounds on Facebook messenger, we settled on a place. He suggests after-work fish tacos and Mexican beer in Silverlake. Delighted, I say “Sure!” Suddenly it's Friday and I'm sitting in a tiny Ensenada-style fish taco stand, wearing shorts and my Ray Ban aviator sunglasses indoors, doing my best to show I'm casual and ready for summer. I'm only there a couple of minutes before a very tall guy saunters in. My stomach drops. That's...is that? Yes...that's David. He's at least 80 pounds lighter, wearing a pair of Ray Ban wayfarers, a plain white T-shirt, gray jeans and Nike tennis shoes. He looks around the restaurant (I laugh, does he not realize this place is dinkier than a closet?) and spots me at the counter. He smiles and hugs me, happily calling my name. He's a whole foot taller than me and as I press my head against him, I reach maybe just under his rib cage. He whips off his sunglasses and we order our tacos.

Dinner was nice. Pleasant. Easy. Care-free. No stress. We found a nice table in the shade and talked for what seemed like hours. It was easy spotting similarities between us, I mean I always knew they were there but it was nice hearing them out loud.

So the basics: David is extremely soft-spoken which is in huge contrast to his presence on Facebook, where he's quick to voice an opinion, especially if it's one that's in contrast to everyone else's. He has a quiet, soothing voice without a single trace of a Chicano accent (just like me!). He sounds “white” as people in our neighborhoods say, and I find out he's actually a quarter-white. He doesn't look Mexican at all. His face is older, like a grown-ass man's face should look like. His hair nearly jet-black and he has intense dark eyes. He's a good listener and thoughtful. What I like most of all is that he has an easy laugh. He thinks I'm funny and I was having too much fun making him laugh at everything. He keeps saying he's shy but nothing that he says proves that. He reveals that he graduated college 2 years ahead of me (which I assume means he's at least 30 years old) and that he's actually done a lot of coursework outside of Cal. He's gone to Cerritos College for music-video production and spent a couple of semesters abroad in Switzerland and even some time in New York City at the prestigious Tisch School of the Arts. All this schooling has prepared him for his current job as an instructor at UCLA, teaching students music-video production. He also directs music videos for up and coming indie bands. And finally, he's in the midst of drawing his own graphic novel which he hopes to release by Christmas. Now the graphic novel I remember because I donated a few bucks towards it about a month ago, which he thanked me again for.

My head is spinning. This guy is fantastic. I feel that familiar tingle of liking and connecting with a guy's personality way beyond how he looks. I like David more now. Like...a lot more. I feel I don't have to explain things out to him, he gets where I'm coming from. Our lives have run in a very parallel manner, it's incredibly comforting. 

He asks if I want to walk around and find a quiet bar to drink at and catch up more. I happily agree. Suddenly we're at some wanna-be upscale outdoor bar called the Desert Rose. We grab a couple of drinks and talk some more, then move once a stupid jazz quarter starts loudly playing. We then sit at a table on the outside patio and talk until the sun goes down. The alcohol is now pulsing through my blood stream. I feel even more relaxed and I can tell so is he. The soft lighting of the restaurant makes him look so striking. What's going on here? My head is swimming now. The conversation starts to take a pleasant turn as we start talking about our hopes and dreams, what we want to do when we “grow up.” We do our best Huell Howser impressions. We find out we lived in the same apartment in Berkeley, and bought pot off of history majors. He tells me about how he distrusts supporters of Ron Paul and I agree that anybody with a valid political opinion would not fling it over a freeway overpass. We also talk relationships. We start to get so honest. So intense. I catch bits and pieces of what he says, mostly his opinion on women and romantic relationships. He's bold. He says he worries about one day providing for a wife and kids. He says his repeated mistake is putting women on a pedestal. He says the reason he broke up with his last girlfriend (which thanks to Facebook I now know was on May 13th) is because she forgot his birthday, which was one of the many reasons he dumped her. She was mean and put up an emotional wall. He reveals he tried to date a girl who was 25 and couldn't keep a conversation with her. That's when I fish around for information. So how old is he? And it comes out that he's actually 35!!! Oh GOSH!!! I'm 28! He's impressed, he didn't even know I was that young. We go on and on about relationships, and I can't hold myself back from voicing my opinions and venting about Ryan and all my disappointments. I don't use names, I keep things anonymous. It seems David and I are on opposite ends of the same mistake. He puts pretty girls on pedestals and I put myself as a doormat. Maybe more like guys put me on an Ottoman? I get stepped on. David is sympathetic. He listens. He offers advice. I almost want to say that I'd date him. But I don't. The night is young. Still got time to embarrass myself.

It's now 9 pm and dark out. He asks if I wanna get out of there and go see his buddy's band perform at the Satellite. I almost jump at the suggestion. I'm so glad he also doesn't want the night to end yet!

His friend is in a band called Willoughby and David's done some music video work for them. We stand next to each other at the show, sipping our beers and swaying to the music. Occasionally he'll peer down at me and ask me if I like that song. Every time he does, it's actually a song I do like. We agree on what songs we don't like and make fun of people in the crowd who are dancing like idiots. There's a pair of drunks girls making asses out of themselves and we both look at each other, smiling...doing our best to stifle our laughter. I like analyzing music with him and bopping along to guitar riffs that are too good. David spots director Vincent Gallo in the crowd and we're both a little star-struck. A strange sense of calm comes over me. I'm not nervous around David. I feel so good, so relaxed. I don't second-guess myself or feel worried. I unabashedly tag him at the Satellite with me on Facebook. He does the same to me on Twitter, even though he gets my handle wrong. Oh well. I appreciate the gesture. And for once, I don't question anything. I just let myself go. The show at the Satellite wraps up and David introduces me to the guys in Willoughby. We decide to keep hanging out in Silverlake and he suggests we catch his friend's set at Los Globos on Sunset. I can't believe all the connections to the local music scene David has! Is he doing this to impress me? I don't think so. His manner and behavior is all business and polite, not at all like an industry douchebag.

Last stop of the night: the upstairs dance hall at Los Globos. We grab a booth and sip our drinks. It's pretty cozy and we sit dangerously close to one another. The DJ is doing a throw-back set in between bands and I'm digging her selections. David and I recognize each song and dance in our seats, grooving along to the Clash and the Waitresses. He says he normally doesn't go out dancing, except if it's at a wedding which I couldn't agree more. The next band is up which is the one we're here to see. David says we should go up and get a good look. I never caught the name of this current band but I enjoy their electronic/guitar thrash sound. David knows the words to some of their songs. I nod my head along and feel how awesome it is just to let go of all your preconceived notions. Time flies by and suddenly the band announces it's their last song. I also have to pee really bad. I excuse myself and as I walk away, I absentmindedly run my left hand across his stomach, kinda in a “hey I'll be right back, miss you” way that girls do with guys. It just felt right, maybe because I'm a little drunk and feeling very comfortable. I don't think much of it in the toilet and am happy I can hear the band playing clear as a bell in the ladies room. I make it back on the dace floor just as the band wraps up. I try to be funny and jump in front of David to scare him. He laughs and reaches down for me . It all happens so fast. He pulls me close and hugs me, sweetly asking if I'm having fun. This hug feels different, was it because of the weird hand thing before I took off to pee? Did I open an invitation? This hug is going on for a lot longer than normal. He squeezes me tight and smiles. I look up at him with a million-watt grin and say I'm having a blast. I pull away a little and let my left hand drift over to his and we tangle our fingers together. I want him to know that I liked that type of hug. I wouldn't mind another!

The band agrees to ONE MORE song as the crowd goes crazy. I look up at David and suggest we dance. He smiles and agrees. So we dance, like two giant dorks. There's all these hipsters and scene kids whipping their bodies to the music. But I don't care how we look, I'm too busy enjoying myself. Once it's over we split and grab his car out of valet. David has to drive me back to my car which is still parked at the Satellite. We queues up some Belle & Sebastian (a band we both love) on his iPod and excitedly talk about what a good night this has been. I'm sad when the car ride is over. It's that time of the night. The time when I always go too far and make an ass of myself. I need to not be a tramp right now. I like this guy and if I open the gate to sex, he won't respect me the next morning and I won't get a second date. Earlier in the night, he had said he was over fuck-buddy relationships and dammit, so am I! So I'm smart and take going back to his place off the table. He doesn't flinch and says he wants to hang out again. I happily agree and tell him to call me. And then we say goodnight. He reaches over to me for another fantastic hug and I decide to be bold just a little. I sweetly kiss him on the cheek. He doesn't react negatively at all, just smiles and looks at me with these eyes...I wonder what's going through his head? My brain is screaming that I should leave before I kiss him on the lips or do something stupid. Again we repeat how much fun we both had and that we need to do it again soon. Again we hug and again I press my lips to his right cheek. It's so quiet inside his car. How did we get here? I clumsily stumble out of his car with a visible grin on my face. I know he's smiling as he watches me leave. And that's all I need.

I drove all the way home with my heart lightly fluttering. A mature, confident flutter. I must be growing up.

So uhm...yeah. Something happened. Something nice. Something I want to happen again. And I'm not going to sit here and agonize or over-analyze it from six different angles. I'm not pining or yearning for David. No. I like him. If nothing ever happens, I'm okay because I know I'll keep a great dude as a friend. If something does happen, it could be awesome. But for now, it's nice. It's good. It's refreshing. It'll be interesting to see what develops. That was a pretty kick-ass night in Silverlake, though. I gotta thank him again for that. It's what I needed. Definitely. :)