He came from somewhere back in her long ago...

If I concentrate on other things, my mind doesn't wander and I don't dwell on the enormous amount of guilt I feel when I think about how I've aided Rob in cheating on his girlfriend...

My plate has been full with moving out of my old house and into my new place, playoff hockey, concerts, my company softball team, visiting friends from Australia and the never-ending saga that is Ryan Lopez. One would think I'd feel a twinge of regret for hooking up with another dude (somebody else's dude, at that!) and not telling Ryan...but I don't. The only way Ryan would have ANY sort of claim on me, it'd have to be of the boyfriend/girlfriend kind. He's nowhere near that right now.

Ah yes, so Rob. I was distracted....for a while there...then boom...the text:

I didn't include the rest of the conversation because I answered that I'd just gotten home from a concert. Rob never answered back, so I went to bed. He ended up trying to talk to me again like an hour later but by then my phone was on silent and I was sound asleep. I should delete his number but what good would that do? He'd just keep pestering me. If I go back to ignoring him, maybe he'll reconcile with his girlfriend and leave me the hell alone. I sometimes feel that that's the routine he normally goes through.

I don't hate him enough to show these conversations to his girl...ughh...but man, it'd be sweet if she'd catch him red-handed. Although I enjoyed the random hook-up with Rob, I don't want to keep doing it. The more he comes at me, the sleazier it all feels. Any sort of affection he might have towards me feels extremely tainted.

(sigh) He's looking very good these days...if only all of his friends knew the evil shit he cooks up on his phone when his girlfriend isn't looking....

I have a lot of problems when it comes to dating. It's now come to my attention that I keep going after unavailable guys. Whether it be emotionally unavailable (Ryan), the fact that they belong to someone else (Rob) or are otherwise preoccupied with huge life decisions (Dan with the Mormonism or Alfonso with the big move back to LA). I have GOT to stop doing this to myself. These unfinished relationships and half-formed connections need to be eradicated from my life. I keep trying to start fresh somewhere new but I just continue to make the same mistakes. I wish I could just move to the Heartland or somewhere in Middle America and start all over again. A fresh start is warranted but I just don't have the time or money. Besides, the guys are the ones who suck, why should I have to move? Running away from the problem doesn't help. I also have to come to realize that I also suck. I suck at making decisions. Maybe I just need to work on myself and my self-control before I start looking for a new place to make mistakes.