Am I living in some corny romantic comedy? Maybe. But I'm insanely happy and that's all that matters. A shit ton of nonsense could come raining down at me at work, yet I've got a stupid grin on my face. I've never felt this way for this long...at times, it's a little scary.
There are deep, dark moments that cloud my brain like an evil shadow.
"How long before you fuck it up? How long before you say the wrong thing? Hurt his feelings? Or start noticing other guys and try to sleep with them? How long before you remember what it's like to hold a grudge? How long before you go back to letting your soul fester?"
It's as if my old life...my "old life" that isn't really that old, from about a few months ago, will resurface somehow. But I've grown haven't I? I've given that up? I'm....cured? I've moved past meaningless sex.
This isn't like being an addict. Right? Like, there's no relapse...I won't go back to craving being miserable, alone and empty, will I?
One can only hope.
I mean, I had fun back then and I don't regret much...but anything before I started feeling this grounded seems like a nightmare. A bad dream. Very, very bad dream.
I'm positive I know what I want. And I'll fight to keep it.
***
We had an intense talk the other day about sex, decisions and the future...
The talk continued and it even spilled into last night, as I was dropping him off from karaoke. We're on the same page about contraception and how we want the future to play out. I told him no babies until I'm married, which he agreed with 100 percent. We have so much other stuff to worry about before that. Having children isn't even an option right now. I'm having too much fun just being with him. He reassured me that I can talk to him about anything and he's always willing to hear me out. We're wrapped up in the lovey-dovey mushiness yes, but we're clear-headed enough to make rational choices and know what's in our best interest at the moment.
Gah, he's wonderful. And he's all mine.
No comments:
Post a Comment