Things are fine with Dan but every day something happens to him that reminds me I can't be with a man like that...like I'm just itching for a reason to break up with him.
In the past 6 months he's:
*lost his bank card
*lost his iPhone
*lost his keys
*had his wallet stolen
Just yesterday he lost his Boston Red Sox baseball cap.
He's a black hole. I don't think I could ever trust him with my stuff, much less an infant or a new house. I'm scared he'd lose important documents or wreck my car if we ever made a life together. I have nearly lost all sympathy for him...like the love fades every month...I feel we're just a little more gone every week that goes by.
I told my mom I was thinking of breaking up with Dan after the lease is over...she actually likes the idea and was happy to secretly tell my aunt. We mentioned it briefly Sunday morning. I didn't want to talk about it at all.
Left to my own devices on a rainy Saturday afternoon at my mom's, I decided to torture myself some more and see if I could get Edgar to come out and play:
me: Why does rain suck so much?
Edgar: It's just how u look at it i guess.
me: I suppose so. I'm stuck at my mom's house bored. Sorry to bug.
Edgar: LOL
me: Well, I'm in Whittier for the weekend. If you're not doing anything, we should go get coffee or a beer.
No response. Typical. It's to be expected. I forgot about the conversation and went out with my cousins for some much needed hang out time...the hours flew by and we were in the middle of a hilarious conversation at the local Denny's when I felt my phone vibrate...I was surprised to be getting a call so late...maybe it was Dan?
Nope. It was Edgar...at 12:11 in the morning...wanting to chat.
Instantly my blood turned to ice and I felt a panic wash over me...my cousins went on loudly with the conversation without me. I answered.
"What's up?" I whispered excitedly.
He scoffs, "What do you mean 'What's up?' Nothing...just calling to say hello...see how you're doing..."
A smile spreads across my face...I tell him I can't talk now but will return his call in a minute...
I know where this is going...at least I hope it's going there. I get everyone to head back home...I call him back 10 minutes later, already grabbing my make up bag and thinking of a game plan..
Right off the bat, he says he hates to disappoint but he can't meet me tonight for "coffee or beer"...our thinly veiled euphemism seems ridiculous now. I feel deflated and try to maintain a cheerful tone...he says he's been drinking tonight and can't really drive...I offer to go over to his place but as usual he shoots me down, always using the excuse that he doesn't want his family to know his business. Ugh...whatever.
We flirt and talk for a long while...I shuffle my feet and stay warm as I talk to him in the chilly Whittier air outside my mom's house. He makes me about the only promise I've ever heard him say...that we will see each other again and we will fuck one more time, at least. We reminisce briefly about what a magnificent fuck that was...it was truly epic.
I hang up and go inside...it's about 1:15 in the morning. I sigh and collapse into bed. I hate the way I feel about him...I crave him so much, agonize over the rejection, revel in the burning desire to smash every tooth in his fucking face...then feel nothing...then want him all over again.
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