I think I may have created a monster. I’m pretty sure I (somewhat unintentionally) made a guy start to fall for me. I have toyed with someone’s emotions. Uh-oh.
If you remember, back in September, I soundly rejected this guy named Jason. He’s a dude I had hooked up with in the summer of 2004 in New York City. At the time he was good friends with Sean, a guy I had harbored a gigantic crush on. Things with Sean did not pan out during my trip and so I fell into the arms (and lap) of Jay. I kept minimal contact with him over the years and pretty much ignored him...until September of last year. Suddenly he was very much interested in me and begged to come visit. I vehemently said NO, mainly because I knew he was only after scoring some ass. I didn’t even like him or find him attractive. I guess more than anything I had bigger fish to fry and Jay was sounding more and more like a creep. We rarely spoke after that and he’d comment from time to time on different pictures and statuses, remarking how pretty I looked. Ehhh, I was not convinced.
A few days ago, I posted some pictures of myself all dressed up for Christine and Eric’s wedding. I was greeted with a personal message from Jay:
Jay: You are so unbelievably hot […]!!! Really you are.. No joke..
I could have ignored this or just briefly thanked him..but nope, I took the bait.
Me: Awww. You are too sweet. I guess those wedding pics weren't half bad...I can only assume that's the inspiration for this comment. :)
I gotta move out of California. I am not appreciated here. All I get are weirdos and guys who don't respect me nor want to spend any time with me. Why can't you live here!?!
And don't say I need to move to NY. It's too cold. Hahahah!
And so began the following exchange where I totally crapped out and gave in:
Jay: lolol...well u dont need 2 move to N.Y. at least to the east coast...move to Florida.. or something ..geez...i seriously think we would be perfect together lol..not being creepy or anything ..but fuck...u everything i look for in a girl...u got the looks i want...and ur personality is awesome and sweet too
p.s. i really really freaking regret u convincing me not to see u in cali. lol shame on u
Me: I think we'd make a good team, too. My theory is that people often break up or get pissed in their relationships because they don't base it on a good friendship or a mutual respect. That's not the explanation for EVERY break up, but at least most I've seen.
Jay, you're a great guy....you're too freaking funny and you always tell it like it is. I know it was shitty of me to convince you not to come out...but believe me, it was the best thing for us. I won't get into too much detail. How about this...how about we keep getting to know each other better? We should talk on the phone or something one of these. From what I remember, you had a cute NY accent. Phone date, come on...you know you wanna!
Jay: Lol ok I can dig the phone date..but what r we getting out of that ...just phone buddies lol...I'm a hot blooded male ..I would at least want to meet u..So I can repay u for that blow job in my car..and trust me whenever wherever i leave u ...ur going to have a smile on ur face ;-)
Yes... I do agree with the friendship thing b4 a relationship ...but I dunno ...shit.I really wanna get out of NY and I'm sure I can find a place to stay in Cali ;-) and I'm sure me and u would hook up and it will be wonderful
I dunno what that last paragraph was about I'm just rambling...mostly it's cuz I'm sick of the chicks here it's either barely legal bitches that can't hold a convo. or 23-25 year old girls that can't leave their high school drama lives behind..
Man when I met u for the first time...I was like...ugh really Sean is trying to get with her...cuz u r wayyyy too good for him and when we started to talk at the mall I was like ...I'm really digging her and then we hooked up and stuff and that was it.. I was blown away..Then we grown distant and stuff but everytime u made a facebook status and posted up new pics ..I always thought to myself ...Dam the one that got away..
Okay this message went way too long and it's just me rambling lol..so yes on the phone date and hopefully I can reel u in for at least a weekend or week or something ;-) cuz I really don't wanna let u go again.
Yeah, so his spelling is bad and his grammar is atrocious...but the things we girls put up with for pretty words and ego boosts:
Me: I don't mind rambling e-mails. I appreciate it!
And I understand your frustration with the opposite sex. The guys here are so superficial. Why pay attention to me when they can get that same barely legal girl to follow them around like a puppy dog? I am forever being ignored or rudely blown off for no reason. This is something we can discuss over the phone!
And just being "phone buddies" is not all we can offer each other. I just feel we need to get to know each other better before we make a huge leap like having you spend money on a trip out here. You say I'm good for you or whatever, but don't you want to be absolutely sure? I also want to feel comfortable with you and not rush into getting sexual like we did last time. Believe me that part of my personality has gotten me more broken hearts than I'd like to think of. Argh.
As for the Sean thing...hahahah....I don't know if I'm really "too good" for him. He continues to be an old friend of mine. Oh well!
So yes on the phone date you said. Pick a time and date. Just remember I'm always 3 hours behind. :)
Jay: Yea I do agree on with the whole lets not rush it thing, and trust me i would never blow you off like those idiots over there. You are definitely a one of a kind girl. Meaning you can chill with me like one of the guys but also your are absolutely beautiful and sweet like I want in a girl, and most of all you have a head on your shoulders and know what’s going on in the world.
So a date hmmm...i guess tonight or tomorrow is fine i don't care about time. I'm not a very good sleeper so im up at all times of the night. Just tell me lol
Me: Expect a call tomorrow night. Probably around 8:30 pm or so PST. Talk to you then! :)
Jay: k baby ..im excited!!
I figured if I called his bluff and got him on the phone, he’d be a total bore and I would find it easier to blow him off or tell him I’m not interested at all.
But surprisingly, I kept an open mind and we had a great conversation on Wednesday night. There were no awkward pauses or dead air. Jay wasn’t at all creepy or pushy. He was very much a gentleman and though he can be a bit direct sometimes, at least he was honest and didn’t bullshit me. I never realized it, but we actually have tons in common. He was very sweet and kept telling me I was the perfect girl for him. All I could do was laugh...what does he know?
Also, I’m not used to being complimented or praised at all. I tend to poke holes in most nice things guys say to me because I feel like it’s all a ploy to get me to fuck them. All through this summer, fall and winter I have digested the comments and appreciated them but I knew it was all part of the thrilling process of landing someone in bed. I enjoyed hearing them but I wasn’t going to build my whole life around it.
It’s weird, but I felt safe knowing Jay was thousands of miles away. I felt like I could be flirty without immediately eliciting a response (or erection) and then eventually falling into sex. The art of conversation is more or less dead in today’s media-soaked world, so I value good dialogue. I really felt like I got it on Wednesday night...and that’s why I invited him back for Thursday night. I needed to make sure it wasn’t a fluke! And sure enough, the second conversation was just as awesome if not better than the first. We nerded out on our love for the Deftones and had some great deep conversations about our personal lives, goals, fears, bad habits and future endeavors.
So is this more of the same? Am I now going to proclaim I belong to the wrong state...again? I don’t know. I think I want to keep getting to know this guy. I won’t try to get all caught up in the pretty words and girly squeals of excitement. I will try to remain as vigilant as possible without being too darn skeptical. Jay seems like he’s crazy over me and keeps playfully threatening to move out to California to be with me. Let’s see how he feels after he chases me over the phone for a few more weeks or months. Chances are he’ll grow tired of it and go back to normal, like every single other one before him.
But damn it, doesn’t it feel good be chased?! I LOVE IT!!
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