Found out from Terry that his ex-girlfriend is still giving him grief for not coming home last Thursday. Despite being broken up, she's still going ballistic over everything...including the fact that he spent the night with another girl. After a lengthy chat last night, I found out that she never approved of our friendship and him spending the night in my room only solidified her suspicions. He told me she saw my number on the cell phone bill and confronted him about it during their big fight yesterday. I've told him repeatedly that he needs to hurry up and move out...she's only going to get angrier and more unreasonable. (sigh) Oh well, not my problem! Glad I'm safely all the way over here.
The plan was to keep Jay at arm's length and not answer his texts. But in a moment of weakness, I responded to one of his heartfelt messages. Ughhhhh....I always fall into this trap. I don't want to give him false hope, but shit....I don't know how to be tough. I am way too sympathetic and I'm always willing to give in when someone is that nice to me. Yuck. I wish I could stop resisting. If I lived in New York or if he lived here, I probably wouldn't be single.
That's what I need. I need someone like Jay. I need someone to stupidly adore me, no matter what. I want a man devoted to sexing me like a relentless fucking-machine. I want someone who will be helplessly devoted to me and only me. I want complete surrender. Is that too much to ask? Hmmm. Maybe.
Anyway, over a week now and no word from Chris. He's dead to me. That was easy.
Honestly, I'm taking a break from boys. I've got a Vegas trip next month and an ex-boyfriend I will potentially have to deal with. I'm limiting myself to flirting and maybe random hook-ups. The search for Mr.Right should be postponed till after Sin City.
I need a detox. All this dick and I've got nothing to show for it. I need to lay low and regroup. My definition of what I want is ever-changing now. Just when I thought I had it all figured out.....
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