& maybe ours is the cause of all mankind: get loved, make more, try to stay alive...

We're approaching seven months of dating and my waking life is still better than my dreams. Everything has flipped around in my love life, and it is wonderful.

"He's the opposite of every guy I've ever dated before...of every boyfriend I've ever had...and that's exactly what I needed.." I tell my girlfriends last night.

I could sit here and type out all these idiosyncrasies about him, all these habits, routines and quirks about him that I have observed these past few months but then I'd just be bragging. I'd be trying to prove to myself or to who's reading what we already know. Jose is a great guy. He's rare and in his rarity, he's ideal. Instead of worrying that I'll scare him off, I just hope that he'll understand my flaws and we can continue to grow together. I feel good about myself. Better than I had in previous years. My future is no longer unknown, dark or muddy. I used to panic that I could never get past certain people in my life, that I could never live without whatever I needed at that moment from that specific person. Instead, my future is regaining focus, it's sharpening rapidly. I can see myself one day becoming a wife and maybe a mother. I no longer worry that love will not find me. I found love in a normal, natural and organic way. I found Jose and instead of feeling like he saved me, I felt like I turned a new page in the crazy book that is to be my life. I didn't "gain" meaning because of him. I just added a new definition to myself. I feel like I am more now. Does that make sense? Well, it makes perfect sense to me :D

Driving in your car, I never never want to go home...

A few weeks ago, we took a drive to Pasadena and this was the result...

http://youtu.be/BApeXvivNWc

Nothing like the top down on a convertible with all of the California sunshine you could want. Bliss.

Highlights these past couple of months include taking Jose to his very first LA Kings hockey game with his best friend Jonny..

Video game male-bonding with Adam, my best friend's Lauren's boyfriend...

Facebook video chat...

Gnarly toe surgery for his ingrown nail. Yeah, I'm nuts like that...I took a picture after his nasty toe-nail surgery. What the heck have I become?!? Hahah!!

And finally, shaving the patchy neck beard...

We've talked about moving in together, here and there. This makes me a VERY happy girl. Let's see how soon we can pull that off. I would love nothing more than to start my day with him in the morning and then end it by falling asleep in his arms at night. That's bliss times a hundred :D

I love you more than life....

Nothing to report, other than life continues to be nothing short of spectacular. And I'm not really sure how long this "honeymoon" period is supposed to last. Jose and I have been dating for over 5 months now and my feelings for him don't wane...they don't dissipate....I am so content and so relaxed.

"Five months already? Are you ready to tack on more?" he asks me over dinner. I grin, like I do.

"Yes. Of course. And five more after that and after that...I could do this for years!" I laugh. And I know he does to. He smiles back at me and kisses my cheek.

We were drunk a couple of weekends ago with a large group of our friends. The music was loud and I had to shout near Jose's ear so he could hear me. Everyone else was preoccupied with drinks and ordering more shots. My drunk self sprang into action-mode while Jose was already activated in his sexy, flirty mode where he does nothing but kiss me and pet my hair. I looked him straight in the eye (which is very difficult to do while intoxicated) and asked him if he'd ever want to marry me. Specifically me. Me. The drunk girl standing in front of him at the bar. He looks down at me with the biggest smile on his face and nods vigorously. "Yeah?" I ask dreamily. He nods again. "Do you want to have kids with me, too?" and I get the same response. Drunk me is pretty darn happy. At least we're headed in the right direction.

Obviously, I had to ask him sober the next time the subject was broached, which nowadays is not weird. Tons of our friends are getting engaged, married and having kids.

He says yes. He wants to marry me, someday. He also hopes to have babies with me...someday.

And someday is alright with me. SOMEDAY is a great goal. I can live with that. In fact, I love SOMEDAY. Gives me extreme hope. Gives me a great feeling. Let's shoot for someday. Someday :)

Now every February, you'll be my Valentine...

Good Valentines Day?

Nah, it was a *great* Valentines Day....

Jose cleaned the guys room and we had some nice alone time since (wonderfully) nobody was home. We ordered a veggie pizza and watched one of my presents, the DVD of Katy Perry's movie "Part of Me." Yeah, she's my guilty pleasure and boy does Jose indulge me :)

I had bought him a Lakers warm up jacket, which he promptly put on before giving me my other present. He learned to play the Beatles "And I Love Her" on the guitar and I got to hear his first performance of it. I never thought my heart could love this much...

I hope with every fiber of my being, that this is the first of many spectacular Valentines...

Here I am, there you are..there’s nothing left between us

I can't even find anything else to say. Jose and I don't fight. I don't even worry where's he's been or who he's with. I never feel the need to nag him. He hasn't smothered me or annoyed me with attention. No red flags, no dire warnings. I feel at peace. Like we're laying down, in a boat, floating away from here. We're headed towards some wonderful and unknown destination. I need nothing else but him.

*My car got rear-ended a couple weeks ago and now there's a small crack in my bumper. No big deal.

*Caught the flu and was horribly sick. Meh.

*Social Security went up. Got a $14 decrease in my take-home pay. Whatever.

All my "problems" seem like nothing now that I'm living in this happy love bubble. Everything is positive and anything that might be difficult is seen with new eyes. I can deal with anything. I am stronger now. I am the same gal I was months ago....but better.

Every day feels like the rest of my life.

And that's awesome.

A love like ours could never die as long as I have you near me

The days are flying by and now we're into the new year....he still makes me feel like I've hit the lottery every single time we're together. Even when we're miles apart, I am content to know that I'm a lucky gal. I'm his girl. And he's my guy. It's sickeningly sweet. I love it, I love it.

For my 29th birthday he got me an electric guitar and I nearly fainted. He's very skilled at the guitar and more than once I had said that it was my biggest regret I had never learned to play given my love for rock music. In typical guy fashion, he saw a problem and set out to fix it. I love my guitar (a Squire 6 string) and we've already started lessons haha! My nails will be cut short for a while and I might get callouses, but I'm determined to learn and make one of my dreams come true.

The card that came with the chocolates and white orchids was precious...I love it, spelling/grammar mistakes and all!

(Yeah...one day I'll be comfortable divulging my name on this blog....I think I'm almost there...)

We took our first overnight road-trip last weekend to San Diego and saw my bestie Caroline. It felt good to get out of the city and just chill out in new surroundings. Jose is an excellent co-pilot and helped refresh my memory on directions. He even fed me French fries while I sped down the highway! We never once got on each other's nerves and his sleeping habits are good. He doesn't snore or kick in his sleep! Hallelujah! :D I wish he would have been as talkative with Caroline as he is with my gal pals back home, but I think he got a little shy and overwhelmed once he heard the two of us chatting away. Most guys would get sullen but not Jose...he was polite and listened, though he did admit to me later that he got lost in conversation and may have nodded off during brunch. Oh well! He was a good sport about the whole thing and had many nice things to say about my SD friends :)

This was also our second time having sex and it was a little less clumsy but still very nervous with some frustrating spots. Like all things, I think we both need to relax and get more practice in. I can't help it, he's just so adorable! I wanna jump his bones every time we've got two seconds alone. I've noticed a pattern: I'm always the first to instigate oral sex or push us towards having sex. He's about the most timid guy I've ever been with. When I'm about ready to start unzipping his jeans, he's just content to kiss the swell of my breast or make out. Last night, I was eager to throw him on my bed after our guitar lesson, but he kept refusing with that bashful look on his face. I'd start kissing him passionately and he'd break away just to tell me he loved me. My heart melts and I get lost in his big dark eyes. "Come on...gimme a hug!" he says and I crumple in his arms. I keep telling myself to calm down and go slow, but old habits die hard. I have the hormones of a 14 year old boy. I WANT TO FUCK HIM ALL THE TIME! Ughhh....that's not a romantic comedy, that's porn, right? Yeesh.

Jose (nearly) mastered John Lennon's "Jealous Guy." He let me finally record it on New Year's Eve. It was his idea to post it on YouTube:

http://youtu.be/6_ctRAL9MHE

(That's me saying "yay!" at the very end, in case you couldn't guess)

He turned in his application to work at West Tower Communications, a company that specializes in installing cell phone towers. His best friend Jonny works there and he's going to help him get the job. The new job pays very well and there's room to move up. I'm so excited for him and wish him the best of luck. I helped him fill out the app and I learned a lot about Jose's past work history. Very interesting. The more I learn about this boy, the more I love him. Life is so awesome right now. It just continues to make me smile!!

* I love that his Instagram account is nothing but pictures of classic cars or modified Hondas
* I love that he has an accent when he speaks English and an accent when he speaks Spanish
* I love that he plays the guitar effortlessly and is so modest about his abilities
* I love that he mispronounces "pizza" as "pik-za" like a true Spanglish-speaking pocho
* I love that he makes me laugh via text every single day
* I love that he adores his mom so much and that he's won over MY mom :)
* I love that his Corvette is the same color as duct tape
* I love that when he gets drunk, he can't stop saying I'm pretty
* I love that stopped smoking the day we met
* I love that he can't dance
* I love that he kinda has a lisp when he talks, almost unnoticeable but I can tell
* I love that he's not afraid to talk about the future
* I love that he always finds a way to hold my hand, no matter where we are
* I love that he gives me butterflies. I see his name come up on my caller ID and I instantly grin
* I love him and I could go on....but it's time for bed.

2013 is going to be amazing!!!!!!

Your love is king...crown you with my heart

I love him more than yesterday...but not as much as I'm going to love him tomorrow....

Am I living in some corny romantic comedy? Maybe. But I'm insanely happy and that's all that matters. A shit ton of nonsense could come raining down at me at work, yet I've got a stupid grin on my face. I've never felt this way for this long...at times, it's a little scary.

There are deep, dark moments that cloud my brain like an evil shadow.

"How long before you fuck it up? How long before you say the wrong thing? Hurt his feelings? Or start noticing other guys and try to sleep with them? How long before you remember what it's like to hold a grudge? How long before you go back to letting your soul fester?"

It's as if my old life...my "old life" that isn't really that old, from about a few months ago, will resurface somehow. But I've grown haven't I? I've given that up? I'm....cured? I've moved past meaningless sex.

This isn't like being an addict. Right? Like, there's no relapse...I won't go back to craving being miserable, alone and empty, will I?

One can only hope.

I mean, I had fun back then and I don't regret much...but anything before I started feeling this grounded seems like a nightmare. A bad dream. Very, very bad dream.

I'm positive I know what I want. And I'll fight to keep it.

***

We had an intense talk the other day about sex, decisions and the future...

The talk continued and it even spilled into last night, as I was dropping him off from karaoke. We're on the same page about contraception and how we want the future to play out. I told him no babies until I'm married, which he agreed with 100 percent. We have so much other stuff to worry about before that. Having children isn't even an option right now. I'm having too much fun just being with him. He reassured me that I can talk to him about anything and he's always willing to hear me out. We're wrapped up in the lovey-dovey mushiness yes, but we're clear-headed enough to make rational choices and know what's in our best interest at the moment.

Gah, he's wonderful. And he's all mine.