We wasted no time getting back to our screwy games of Facebook tag and low-key flirtation. I didn't break with tradition and threw the first volley of awkward gestures. I wrote him a message:
April 15 at 10:39am
Yo,
Bill Burr is going to be at the Hollywood Improv on both Friday May 14th at 8 pm and Saturday May 15th at 7:30 pm and 9:30 pm.
Now you got me curious. I kinda want to see him do a full set of stand up. Do you want to go? I can get us tickets. Don't know what your comfort level might be with that...or if you're ready to be seen with me in public. lol. I know...it's weird.
You can't say I didn't tell you this time.... :)
A week came and went and he never acknowledged my stupid stunt to get a real, living breathing date out of him. I felt stupid and the usual malaise of rejection warmed over me. I know he saw the message. Why he chose to ignore it is beyond my comprehension. I continued life, happily living at my mom's house for the past two weeks since Dan was working on cleaning out his parents garage. I prayed that Ed would come around...maybe we could sneak away for a bit? I was satisfied with him just sending me random "lols" and liking my status on Facebook here and there.
Dan and I went and saw Conan O'Brien do some stand-up and skits on his touring comedy show. We decided to eat some special brownie and get stupid high during the performance. Prior to getting super baked, Dan asked why all of a sudden the wallpaper on my phone was a dashboard clock reading 3:31...I lied and said I wasn't sure...that it must have been some night I was out with my cousins. He didn't sound too upset (or convinced) but he did insist that I must have been out with my "other boyfriend." I went along with it and joked that we have sex in my mom's garage in Whittier, where my cat Susie sleeps. Whatever. I was hard-core stoned near the end of the show but we still managed to get out of the venue and drive home safe and sound. Somewhere near the traffic jam on the 101 by Sunset, Dan starts harping on and on about my phone, the suspicious wall-paper and my shadiness about the whole thing. I rolled my eyes and tried to cover...but he just kept going at it. The weed I consumed must have been like truth serum or something because I kept wanting to just scream it at him...just so he'd shut his stupid face. "Yes! I fuck around behind your back...and guess with who? FUCKING EDGAR CRUZ!" But I suppressed the urge and actually parked near Dan's house until he sobered up and let the issue go. He was stubborn and it took nearly an hour! In the end, he said a few things that worried me. He admitted our relationship was not on the best terms, that I had a past history of cheating and that what I had done with the phone was pretty suspicious and out of character. He said he knew when I was lying. All I wanted was for him to just leave.
I drove home, white knuckled and feeling my heart nearly slamming out of my chest when I spotted a police cruiser driving behind me on the freeway. I made it home in one piece. Thank God.
I was stumbling about in the dark, getting ready for bed when I get a text message at 1:30 am. I froze, dead in my tracks.
Edgar: Hey whats up?
me: Sleeping? I hear people do that at this hour.
Edgar: Sleep is for the weak. I wanna see you.
me: Nope. Not a good idea.
Edgar: Why?
me: well to be blunt, I am on my period. Also I suspect you're a wee bit drunk. :)
He never answered, either spooked by my bold mention of a period (yes Edgar, I do menstruate...you should be happy...this means you're not a daddy!) or gutted that I had actually rejected HIM for once. I knew it wouldn't be pretty...I was much to high and I knew he had to be wasted pretty bad in order for him to lose his cool and request a booty call. Besides, my mom had already heard me...I could never get out of the house now.
I called him a few minutes ago tonight to see what went on with him...or at least offer a mild apology for striking him down (and even clue him in to Dan's suspicion)...but he didn't answer. Instead, I was left with the sour feeling of his new voicemail message: "Hey I'm busy! Call me later!"
I liked his old message better.
(sigh) It feels like the walls are closing in on me. Dan's trying to corner me. But I won't go down without a fight.
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