I was satisfied with Edgar throwing mono-syllabic answers to my Facebook status posts...but then I decided to up the ante.
Like a game of chicken...
Driving back from a hockey game, I realized that I had no plans for the rest of my Saturday night...even my mom had left for the night...I didn't want to be alone...so I dropped Dan off at his mom's house and pulled over on Beverly Blvd. I dialed Edgar...my heart revved up and I knew this was severely breaking my Lenten promise...tomorrow's Easter, we're done anyway right? UGH SO FUCKING WEAK.
Maybe he won't answer.
But he does answer.
His family is in town from Tijuana, Mexico. They're his mother's relatives, originating from Coyoacán, a town in Mexico's Federal District. I tell him my favorite painter is from there...Frida Kahlo. I'm sure she would have found a better way to express this unrelenting desire I have for this boy...if only I was more creative...
But the words dribble out of me like clumsy, strung-together pick up lines..."I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight or something?" OH GOD. HERE IT COMES.
I must be a masochist....he must be a sadist...of course he turns me down, always apologetic and always sweetly..."I really, really want to but my relatives have blocked my car in and I can't get out tonight. They even asked me if I had plans for the night and I said nope...now I'm stuck here playing video games with my brother while my dog sits between us on the floor."
I can't say I've heard that one before. And he won't let me pick him up because everyone and their mother is at his house, ready to pounce on him if he makes the slightest move elsewhere. I am annoyed. And I don't bother trying to hide it this time. I quickly tell him that I have to go...I'll find something else to do...
"Hold on, hold on...wait...let's try for next weekend? Come on, next Saturday..."
I hesitate. I don't want to be left open and defenseless again. I ask what date that is...
"April 10th...what do you think?" he wonders out loud.
Is he serious? Is he planning a date? Or giving me false hope? My mind races.
"I don't know. Put me down for maybe. I think I'm doing something that night but I'm not sure. I'll text you." I say quickly...my mouth runs faster than my mind. Maybe? Maybe?
I know that ultimately, I will break whatever plans I have with Dan to make this happen. My stomach churns in anticipation and nervousness. We hang up and I erase his call from my log.
Great. Now I'm stuck here wondering if he'll come through...this whole week is going to be torture. If this weren't such a self-inflicted move, I'd have a real case against him.
All I can do is wait...and give him a reply later in the week so I don't seem desperate. BECAUSE I'M A GIRL AND ALL WE DO IS PLAY GAMES.
One would imagine that having an irregular lover would be less nerve-wracking.
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