New Year, New Trouble

Happy 2010. I can't believe I'm going to dedicate at least 7 months of this brand new year still living with Dan. I wish my lease would end sooner.

I've spent a good chunk of my free thoughts daydreaming about hooking up with Edgar again...but I have to wait. It'll seem all too desperate if I text him this week and ask he come see me this weekend while Dan's at his parents house.

Ohhhh but I want it. I WANT IT SO BAD!

Dan and I spent New Year's Eve apart. I hung out with my mom and had wayyyy too much to drink. When I get drunk, I tend to send drunken texts...naturally:

me: Happy new year, Ed. Im drunk. I want to see more of you in 2010!!
Edgar: LOL Happy New Year.

My best friend and I hung out this weekend and I wanted to confess to her so badly that I'm having this evil affair. I was able to tell her that I don't want to be with Dan by the end of the lease. She was a little shocked but relieved I wasn't going to keep leading Dan on or doing something I don't want to do.

I wonder if Dan knows that the reason I was finally able to make him come in my mouth is because I practiced so much with Ed.

My current favorite memory is cradling Edgar's head in my lap and stroking his hair while he talked about how much he enjoys talking to me...he said something like, "I enjoy the sex and everything of course, but man...what I really love always is just being able to really talk to you. We have the best conversations. That's like number one."

Everything feels like an eternity. Just waiting, waiting...

The last time I had sex with Dan was New Year's Eve. I didn't finish and was quite disgusted with it all. I've decided that my New Year's Resolution is to stop having sex with Dan altogether. I can't bear the thought of keeping that charade up forever.

Nobody should feel sorry for me.